Living a Happier Life

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  Table of Contents for this page:

• Preface.

• Living a Happier Life. - Steps to your own Happiness, Joy, Contentment and Peace from several points of view, often with exercises, examples and stories.

• Dr. Martin Seligman - paper on "Positive Psychology," and his Authentic Happiness website: getting on to the happy, happier and happiest states.

• Wallace Wattles landmark work "The Science of Getting Rich" that introduced positive thinking to the western world.

• Marci Shimoff - "Happy for No Reason: 7 steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out," (with great ideas, exercises and stories to help us remember).
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• Dr. Wayne Dyer, "Seven Secrets of a Joyful Life" and "Eight ways to tap into the power of intention and feel great every day."
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• Dr. Michael Fordyce - "Human Happiness: Its Nature and Its Attainment," his on-line book. Includes 14 Fundamentals for Attaining Happiness from GetHappy.net.
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• Dr. Jill Taylor has brought us "My Stroke of Insight: A Harvard Brain Scientist's Personal Journey." It is her story of recovery from a stroke.

• Joel Osteen - many books on optimism, positive thinking and happiness from the happiest couple to be on Larry King Live.

• Dr. Richard Layard - a summary of "Towards a Happier Society. The secrets of Happiness" as a public policy initiative.

• Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - notes on "Flow" (that state of enjoyment where you completely forget the passage of time). How do we create the conditions for "flow" to be a common occurrence rather than a random peak experience?
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• Dr. David D. Burns and his mood therapy book Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy, the clinically proven drug-free Treatment for Depression.

• Bill Harris, Director of Centerpointe posts a good article on "How To Really Let Whatever Happens Be Okay—and Why You Would Want To."

• Dr. Jonathan Haidt strikes the balance (and points out the necessity) of seeking happiness both from within, and in cooperative relationships with others.

• Dr. Stephen R. Covey wrote "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" back in the day. It is still relevant today, and relates to happiness in ways you might not predict.

• Steve Pavlina has written Personal Development for Smart People: the Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth. This book starts with 7 principles, and provides practical application that derives from these principles.

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• Summary of potentially helpful ideas and practices, with notes.

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• Related Resources.

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Preface

This page contains some links and informal suggestions for the general reader from a strictly lay point of view that may be helpful starting points for persons seeking to find greater lasting happiness in their lives. This page is intended to be independent of specific religious views, though it will have an underlying tendency toward Christian thinking in the western world and toward so-called "new age" thinking. This page recognizes that religious views can be pivotal in both understanding and implementing any improvements in a person's sense of contentment and well-being. Those specific remedies are best found among the person's religious beliefs and their reliable sources of religious thinking and teaching. Dr. Fordyce points out, for example that "happy individuals have well-developed philosophical or religious beliefs that provide them the satisfying sense of meaning, importance, and significance in their life. They seem to have a marvelously developed sense of personal direction that comes from those beliefs and values" that are completely independent of the specific religious or philosophical beliefs themselves. . The items presented here are oriented toward what has been found by researchers and others among broad populations holding widely differing philosophical and religious views. There is a surprising uniformity of beliefs and values associated with well-being and contentment across the ages and across cultures and philosophies. And there is wide agreement that happiness is one of the most important goals we seek. Although as a field of study, it is only a few decades old, a few sources of research findings and suggestions are mentioned here in the hope that they will be helpful for those on a quest to improve their own everyday levels of happiness, contentment, inner peace and joy. .
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“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.”⁴
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Living a Happier Life

Happiness, joy and contentment are very hard to define for others. But virtually all of us know them when we find them in our own lives. Most of us do not know, however, how to improve any of them, except for specific instances. This page contains some of what I have found on these subjects, in the hope that some of them may also be helpful to others. . All these resources are freely available so far as I know; and the books are available at most libraries and bookstores. . As far I can tell, there is no one silver bullet that, if you do it, or acquire it, will lead you to lasting happiness. On the contrary, it seems to be a series of individually-tailored activities, thought patterns, attitudes, habits and built-in attributes which everybody can engage in or develop to some degree, the sum of which improves your happiness (even if no individual obtains greater happiness in all [or even many] of the areas identified in the research). Further, there doesn't seem to be a single nirvana at which one ultimately arrives; but rather, there seems to be a continuous series of processes unique to each person in which they are continuously expanding, improving and modifying the levels of happiness and joy which they recognize and experience. Ultimately, all these activities and thoughts become a series of more-or-less permanent habits based on sound principles, the end product of which is increased happiness. Over time, as you adjust and improve them, your level of overall happiness increases. And the very large numbers of possibilities can give substantial hope to anyone wishing to increase their level of happiness. Since there are so many possibilities, there is merit in trying them at different times, and from different stages of development. Often, something that failed (or made little sense) at an earlier time will bear fruit in present circumstances. And some of them will produce some degree of success, for sure. Every individual is unique; cultivate and preserve the ones that work for you. My hope is that some of the following will spark some of these processes for you. .
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"The winds of happiness are always blowing; but it is you who must raise a sail."¹
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“What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me.”²
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• The Authentic Happiness website of Dr. Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center together "promote research, training, education, and the dissemination of Positive Psychology." There, you can participate in his tests and questionnaires, etc., and aid in the research, though you need to register (its free; and they don't clutter your in-box).

• Dr. Seligman's paper "Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions" (pdf) describes his work and the work of others in measuring happiness and the effects of "interventions" (exercises he suggests to improve happiness) and the results thereof, including how lasting the effects were, and the role of character strengths in developing happiness. I was surprised that "... our study is the most ambitious random-assignment, placebo-controlled test of happiness interventions we know, ..." thinking casually that many people must have studied happiness and ways to improve it over the years. Apparently not. At any rate, Seligman et al identify 5 exercises that are effective in improving happiness.
• 1. Make a gratitude visit. Go see (or write) somebody who had been kind or helped you, and thank them.
• 2. List three good things that happened each day, and what caused them to come about.
• 3. Write about you at your best. Review the story daily for a week.
• 4. Identify your signature strengths (the inventory exercise in the article may be helpful).
• 5. Use your signature strengths in new ways.

• In Claudia Wallis's 2005 Time Magazine article "The New Science of HAPPINESS" she asks 'What makes the human heart sing?'; and she answers 'Researchers are taking a close look. What they’ve found may surprise you.' This article is her report on a workshop where Dr. Seligman stated his new vision for the Psychology profession as the American Psychological Association's new president. Said he, “I realized that my profession was half-baked [focusing mainly on remedies to mental ailments]. It wasn’t enough for us to nullify disabling conditions and get to zero. We needed to ask, What are the enabling conditions that make human beings flourish? How do we get from zero to plus five?” Some of her headings include:
• WHAT MAKES US HAPPY?
• MEASURING OUR MOODS.
• Just How Happy Are We? And What Makes Us That Way?
• CAN WE GET HAPPIER?
• Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life:
 

1 - Count your blessings.   2 - Practice acts of kindness.   3 - Savor life’s joys.   4 - Thank a mentor.

5 - Learn to forgive.   6 - Invest time and energy in friends and family.   7 - Take care of your body.   8 - Develop strategies for coping with stress and hardships.

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In the article, Wallis quotes one of Seligman's bottom lines "[raising happiness levels] involves working on the three components of happiness—getting more pleasure out of life (which can be done by savoring sensory experiences, ...), becoming more engaged in what you do, and finding ways of making your life feel more meaningful." . She also reports on another researcher who described the benefits of keeping a gratitude journal—a diary in which subjects write down things for which they are thankful. "She has found that taking the time to conscientiously count their blessings once a week significantly increased subjects’ overall satisfaction with life over a period of six weeks, whereas a control group that did not keep journals had no such gain." . And she cites Seligman’s biggest recommendation for lasting happiness: "figure out your strengths and find new ways to deploy them." . See also Haidt, below, for more on the balance between and necessity of both getting what you want, and seeing the good things in what is already happening around you.

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• Way back in 1910 Wallace D. Wattles (Wikipedia entry) published "The Science of Getting Rich" {77 pages, .PDF, Christian themes, large-font format}. Wattles' writing introduced the western world to the practical principles of positive thinking. My own view of the "... Getting Rich" title is that it was aimed at least partially at attracting attention from those who were seeking financial riches. And the work does focus on that aspect in important ways. But in the context of this web page, the ideas, concepts and practices articulated in the book apply equally in obtaining the riches of fulfillment, personal satisfaction, joy, happiness, inner peace, contentment and self-actualization. Wattles deals with the weaknesses of the glib notion that merely thinking positively produces the desired results. He emphasizes that what I would call disciplined thinking (continuously focusing your thinking on better approaches, etc.), and the application of that thinking (with persistent, well-directed work) is what produces the desirable results. He also points out the vital necessity of gratitude in obtaining riches, and in forsaking competitive practices in favor of cooperative practices. Wattles focuses on practices and attitudes which will produce results rather than on the background or theory. He calls these the "Certain Way." And he writes in a very straightforward way, using words for the general reader. In about an hour you can read the whole thing. His summary at the end of the book is very helpful for obtaining an overview which you can read in a couple of minutes. It uses (predictably) terms defined earlier in the work, however.
• Here are some quotes from Wattles' book {links are to the WikiSource edition--see below}. Remember, this book and its examples were written about a hundred years ago.
• "In writing this book I have sacrificed all other considerations to plainness and simplicity of style, so that all might understand. The plan of action laid down herein was deduced from the conclusions of philosophy; it has been thoroughly tested, and bears the supreme test of practical experiment; it works. If you wish to know how the conclusions were arrived at, read the writings of the authors mentioned above; and if you wish to reap the fruits of their philosophies in actual practice, read this book and do exactly as it tells you to do." - Preface.
• "The object of all life is development; and everything that lives has an inalienable right to all the development it is capable of attaining." - Chapter 1.
• "Studying the people who have got rich, we find that they are an average lot in all respects, having no greater talents and abilities than other men [and women]. It is evident that they do not get rich because they possess talents and abilities that other men [and women] have not, but because they happen to do things in a Certain Way." - Chapter 2.
• "You must get rid of the thought of competition. You are to create, not to compete for what is already created. You do not have to take anything away from anyone." Also "You do not have to covet the property of others, or to look at it with wishful eyes; no man has anything of which you cannot have the like, and that without taking what he has away from him." - Chapter 5.
• "Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways are kept in poverty by their lack of gratitude. Having received one gift from God, they cut the wires which connect them with Him by failing to make [thankful] acknowledgment." And "Without gratitude you cannot long keep from dissatisfied thought regarding things as they are." - Chapter 7.
• "Do not rage against corrupt politicians; if it were not for politicians we should fall into anarchy, and your opportunity would be greatly lessened. God has worked a long time and very patiently to bring us up to where we are in industry and government, and He is going right on with His work. There is not the least doubt that He will do away with plutocrats, trust magnates, captains of industry, and [corrupt] politicians as soon as they can be spared; but in the meantime, behold they are all very good. Remember that they are all helping to arrange the lines of transmission along which your riches will come to you, and be grateful to them all. This will bring you into harmonious relations with the good in everything, and the good in everything will move toward you." - Chapter 7.
• "The answer to prayer is not according to your faith while you are talking, but according to your faith while you are working." - Chapter 8.
• "The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." - Chapter 10.
• "You cannot act where you are not; you cannot act where you have been, and you cannot act where you are going to be; you can act only where you are." - Chapter 11.
• "A student of this science had set his mind on making a certain business combination which seemed to him at the time to be very desirable, and he worked for some weeks to bring it about. When the crucial time came, the thing failed in a perfectly inexplicable way; it was as if some unseen influence had been working secretly against him. He was not disappointed; on the contrary, he thanked God that his desire had been overruled, and went steadily on with a grateful mind. In a few weeks an opportunity so much better came his way that he would not have made the first deal on any account; and he saw that a Mind which knew more than he knew had prevented him from losing the greater good by entangling himself with the lesser." - Chapter 16.
• The complete contents of The Science of Getting Rich, now in the public domain in the U.S., is available from WikiSource as a series of web pages. Here are its Table of Contents and Preface. This may be the single most helpful, well-written and complete on-line source of information in your free pursuit of joy, contentment and happiness.
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• Marci Shimoff, "the woman's face of the biggest self-help book phenomenon in history, Chicken Soup for the Soul. ... [She is a] celebrated transformational leader, and one of the nation's leading experts on happiness, success, and the law of attraction, ...". Marci has written, with Carol Kline, a book titled Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out.

• This is a book that is definitely worth reading, if only for the hope it inspires. It is not aimed at women, particularly, though they are certainly not left out. Marci speaks of happiness that is already inside you ready to come to the surface of your consciousness if you can stop keeping it back. She focuses on many of the same principles of a happier life as the positive psychology authors; but she mentions lots of other ideas also. In addition, she offers many exercises that you can start using right now, to help you start to to feel happier.

• Her friends at Learning Strategies have posted her complimentary Happy For No Reason Workbook, as a .PDF file. [This workbook is also available as a standard HTML web page if you do not have the Adobe Acrobat reader installed on your computer {download and install the Adobe Reader free of charge}. To see the HTML version, go to Google and search for "Happy For No Reason Workbook" {including the quotation marks}. It returns (late April 2008) a single entry "[PDF] Welcome to Your Complimentary Happy For No Reason Workbook!" with File Format: PDF/Adobe Acrobat, and with a link: View as HTML. Click on their "View as HTML" link to see the content of the workbook as a very readable standard HTML web page]. This workbook can get you started immediately with a questionnaire, a bunch of happiness quotes from Happy For No Reason, and (best of all) 21 Happiness Habit Exercises, that you can start working on while you locate a copy of the book.

• Shimoff identifies steps, happiness habits and corresponding exercises. And she includes inspirational stories (to help us remember and apply them). The following is a list of headings for  the 21 Happiness Exercises mentioned in the workbook cited immediately above.
 

Focus on Solutions. Look for the Lesson and the Gift. Make Peace with Yourself. Question Your Thoughts. Go Beyond the Mind and Let Go. Incline Your Mind Toward Joy. Focus on Gratitude [what you appreciate, appreciates].

Practice Forgiveness. Spread Loving Kindness. Nourish Your Body. Energize Your Body. Tune In to Your Body’s Wisdom. Invite Connection with Your Higher Power. Listen to Your Inner Voice.

Trust Life’s Unfolding. Find Your Passion. Follow the Inspiration of the Moment. Contribute to Something Greater than Yourself. Tend to Your Relationships. Surround Yourself with Support. See the World as Your Family.

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• Marci's book also contains a dozen pages of additional resources, online and print plus CDs, etc., many with commercial content; and she refers readers to a number of online resources for tools and techniques, etc., many of which also have commercial content. The point here is that there are lots of follow-on options, especially those available for a fee. Many other options are freely available, both on this page and otherwise. In particular, see the notes on finding your passions and the Related Resources below.
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• Dr. Wayne Dyer has published lots of books and articles besides his best-seller: "The Power of Intention." One article that caught my attention was from Family Circle magazine, "Seven Secrets of a Joyful Life: Wayne Dyer’s Feel Good Guide." In the article he describes your own "intention" and how you can tap its power to realize more inner joy and harmonious relationships. His 7 faces of intention include [1] creativity (don't die with your music still inside you; listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul), [2] kindness (choosing to be kind is also a choice to make the Power of Intention active in your life), [3] love (brotherly love, parental love, tolerance, tenderness, acceptance, romantic love where appropriate), [4] beauty (there are a million acts of kindness and goodness [all around us]; it just depends where you look; and when I look around at virtually anyone or anything on the planet, I can see ... beauty), [5] expansion (we need to connect with the image of an expanding Source—one which never becomes stagnant or gets tired of growing and improving), [6] abundance (there are no limits to our potential, we can tap into abundance knowing there's more than enough for us and for everyone), and [7] receptivity (no one and no thing is rejected).
• Dyer's "intention" is not so much dogged determination, but consistently allowing that you are a part of of something very benign and helpful, letting it help you, and not being swayed from that path.
• On reducing stress, he says: "Any stress signal is a way of alerting you to say the five magic words: 'I want to feel good.' This is your intention to be tranquil and stress free."
• Similarly: "Remember, your thoughts, not your world, cause you stress. And you can change your thoughts."
• Moreover, "one of the fastest ways to transform fear into love and tap into the Source is through another face of intention—doing an act of kindness" ... even thinking kind thoughts.
• On the difference between will and intent, he says "Will is the idea that I'm going to make this thing happen. Intent is inspiration—allowing it to take place. I don't say that will is bad. But it's the work of the ego—believing that we are controlling everything—rather than surrendering to the Source of energy that is greater than any of us."
• In his childrens' bedroom, he framed this message: "Good morning. This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help, so have a miraculous day!"
• On letting God (or Good) do everything, he says "It's not about doing nothing. In the recovery movement, they call what I'm talking about letting go and letting God. (If you're uncomfortable with the word God, just add an o and make it Good. The two words are interchangeable.) It just means allowing this divine Source of kindness, beauty and creativity to be the dominant force in your life—whatever you're doing. I truly believe that God writes all the books and builds all the bridges. Sure, I sit down for six or seven hours a day with my pen and pads—but the message moves though me and I just allow."
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• In the article he cites Eight ways to tap into the power of intention and feel great every day:
• (1) Make meditation a regular practice in your life. You need to take time to get quiet, to go within, and from this silence make conscious contact with the Source of intention. You're already connected to everything that you perceive as missing from your life; go with a realignment.
• (2) Become conscious of the foods you eat. Foods high in alkalinity such as fruits, vegetables, nuts, soy, non-yeast breads and virgin olive oil are high-energy foods and will strengthen you, while highly acidic foods such as flour-based cereals, meats, dairy and sugars lower energy and will weaken you.
• (3) Retreat from low-energy substances. Alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, sugar and virtually all artificial drugs, legal or otherwise, lower your body's energy level and weaken you.
• (4) Become aware of the energy level of the music you listen to. Some rap music—filled with profanity and messages about killing, for example—is an energy drain; music that has a more soothing impact on the soul has been proven to be beneficial.
• (5) Become aware of the energy levels of your home environment. Make your home a nurturing, cheerful and peaceful environment.
• (6) Reduce your exposure to low-energy commercial television. Children see 12,000 simulated murders on TV before their 14th birthday! Television news puts a heavy emphasis on the bad and the ugly, leaving out the good.
• (7) Enhance your energy field with photographs. Every photograph contains energy. Carry and display photos taken in moments of happiness, love and receptivity.
• (8) Become conscious of the energy levels of your acquaintances, friends and extended family. Choose to be in close proximity to those who are empowering, who see the greatness in you, who feel connected to spirit.

• In another Interview he said of his philosophy and the Source from which he sprang:
• "Everyone and everything that shows up in the world of form in this universe originates from [what can be called] God, soul, spirit, or consciousness. It looks a certain way, sounds a certain way, and feels a certain way. I try to stay in harmony with what I believe it sounds and feels like. This Source that creates worlds always is creating and loving, and it excludes no one. It is a Source of unlimited abundance. It is a Source that has no judgment. Anytime we have a thought that excludes others—a thought of unkindness, for example, or a thought of non-love toward ourselves or anyone else—we lose the power of intention. The power of intention is the power to manifest, to create, to live a life of unlimited abundance, and to attract into your life the right people at the right moments."
• On setting goals that are mainly centered on getting to somewhere else (more profits, more contacts, etc.) he says, "Goal setting is fine if you want to be the warrior archetype. ... But when you get to a higher level of consciousness, when you get into a spiritual approach to life, you are not trying to get someplace else, because you never can get it done. ... Instead, what you want to do is get to a place where you are at peace. You are connected to God, you are enjoying every single day you have, and the growth of you and your [career] will take care of themselves."
• On living in the present he says, "When I go to a music concert, I don't [think that] my purpose is to get to the end and enjoy the finale. If that were the purpose, everybody would write finales and nothing more. The purpose of the concert is to enjoy each note as you go along." And "Enjoy the moment, because that is all you have. You never are going to arrive someplace else [in this moment]. You are in a constant state of living in this moment, and that is the only arrival there is. In fact, you will arrive [only] when you stop trying to get someplace else." Enjoy the moment: right here, right now. If your mood is not one of enjoyment, stop thinking of the non-enjoyment and start to think joyful thoughts; your mood will change to greater joy. Practice it; learn how to do it more often, in more difficult circumstances, then always.
• On appreciation and thankfulness he says, "I want to be on a rampage of appreciation every single day."
• On watching out for your own resistance he says, "refuse to have any resistance to staying connected to [your] Source. ... If you do not have well-being in your life, physically or emotionally, then you have to look at what kind of energies, thoughts, and spirituality you have chosen that take you away from your Source. One of the ways to get back to it is to think [about what you want to have and be as if it were already in hand--not about the things that are missing]." And "One of the important principles I live by is the idea that you have to contemplate yourself as surrounded by the conditions you intend to produce. The difference between highly functioning people—the people Maslow called self-actualizers—and people who live with ordinary levels of consciousness is that the self-actualizers never put their intention on what they don't want. They know that what you think about is what expands."
• On things that may seem impossible he says, "Dormant forces come alive when you put your attention on what you intend to manifest and when you stay connected to your Source of well-being, your Source of kindness, and your Source that excludes no one." And "We become what we think about." So, to change your moods and to change your life, change your thoughts. It will all follow as the day follows the night. And they he caps it off with "You can't just have a thought. You have to follow the thought through."
• Of Einstein's great contributions to humanity, he says "look at Einstein's simple statement that the most important decision you ever will make is the decision whether you live in a friendly universe or a hostile universe." By deciding you live in a friendly universe you are able to tap into all its powers; and they come according to what you focus on. Dyer also says "When I look at the [broadcast or print] news and all the things that are hostile out there, I remind myself that for every act of evil in the world, there are a million acts of kindness."
• On maturing into a person of spirit he says, "This is the time when you finally realize what Jesus meant when He said, 'You are in this world, but you are not of this world.' You are not here as a human being having a spiritual experience, but the reverse is true: All of us here are spiritual beings having a human experience."

• In yet another interview concerning organized institutional religion he said, "My belief is that the truth is a truth until you organize it, and then it becomes a lie. I don't think that Jesus was teaching [organized] Christianity [as we know it today], Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don't be [an organized] Christian, be Christ like. Don't be [an organized] Buddhist, be Buddha like."
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• Here are the Dyer Dozen - guidelines for happiness, adapted by a blogger and others.
•   1. Want more for others than you want for yourself.
•   2. Think from the end--focus on the places/circumstances you want.
•   3. Be an appreciator--see what’s valuable vs. worthless.
•   4. Stay in rapport with Source energy.
•   5. Every thought other than those connected with Source is resistance.
•   6. Contemplate yourself surrounded by what you want, and already thinking exclusively happy, contented and peaceful thoughts.
•   7. Understand the route of "allowing" rather than forcing [or willing] things to happen, and allow for alternative solutions.
•   8. Practice radical humility.
•   9. Be in constant state of gratitude. Elsewhere he says "be on a rampage of appreciation."
• 10. You can never resolve a problem by condemning it.
• 11. Play the match game--match or align your thinking and actions to the kind of person you want to be.
• 12. Meditate.
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A very helpful place to see the big picture concerning happiness is from Dr. Michael W. Fordyce, a retired writer, researcher and theorist on human happiness. It is entitled "Human Happiness: Its Nature and Its Attainment." This item contains helpful introductory material along with "fourteen fundamentals of happiness" that explain what to do to increase your happiness.

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• See the Table of Contents page for "Human Happiness: Its Nature and Its Attainment" with links to all the chapters. It contains lots of easy reading, and it is very informative.
• Take Dr. Fordyce's "Test of Your Happiness Assets." It takes only 15 minutes or so. Your scores and the scoring explanations will give you a ton of ideas, quash some myths, and help you focus attention on improving your enjoyment of life.
• His Two Faces of Happiness section near the bottom of chapter 4 on "The Story of Happiness Research"  distinguishes between "a good emotional feeling (I'm in a happy mood)," and "a more general feeling people have about how their life is going (I'm a happy person)." In our quest to increase our happiness, these can be important facets requiring different approaches.
• "When a happy mood strikes, there is a remarkable change in the positive nature of the thoughts which come into our mind." People feel better about themselves, too. Thus, getting yourself into a happy mood can improve your overall happiness (by an amount greater than its own value) as a by-product; and even our behavior improves, and our worries are reduced. [This comes from the Thinking Changes section and later sections of Chapter 5  The Happy Mood].
• An important subset of this happy mood effect is that we are happier when we are working on one of our strengths, or using one of our strengths to achieve some other purpose. See the Notes on "Find your passion ..." below.
• "Some happiness-sources have more impact than others. ...
• One's marriage and family life, for example, appears to be the most potent source of all; and Optimism is a very close second -- rewards in these areas are more important to your happiness than rewards in other areas.
• Next, come the successes you find in your job and your other social life.
• Then come things like your income, social status, and educational attainment.
• And finally, come the more peripheral things, like fun, good health, etc."
[These above items come from the Eight Laws Of Human Happiness section toward the bottom of Chapter 6  The Happy Person, particularly the 5th law: The Law Of Cumulative Effects.]
• Be sure to persevere (or go directly) to the second volume - Learning to be a Happier Person (Introduction). These chapters contain most of the value in my view, presenting many ideas for making yourself a happier person on many fronts.
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Here are the individual links to the 14 Fundamentals for Attaining Happiness by Dr. Fordyce.
[The last three fundamentals are in draft form only, and can be by-passed in favor of similar topics from other sources.]
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1 - Be More Active and Keep Busy. 2 - Spend More Time Socializing  ... (likely your #1 happiness asset). 3 - Be Productive at Meaningful Work. 4 - Get Better Organized, Plan Things Out. 5 - Stop Worrying. 6 - Lower Your Expectations & Aspirations  ... (shows the futility of achievement-based happiness). 7 - Develop Positive, Optimistic Thinking. 8 - Get Present-Oriented. .

9 - Work On a Healthy Personality  ... (liking, accepting, knowing, helping and being yourself). 10 - Develop an Outgoing Social Personality  ... (smile and say "hi" -- it is a great start). 11 - Be Yourself. 12 - Eliminate Negative Feelings & Problems [draft; not very helpful] ... (see Notes on Letting go,  below instead). 13 - Close Relationships Are  #1 [draft]. 14 - VALHAP - The Secret Fundamental  ... (the effect of studying and valuing happiness [draft]). .

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• Fordyce puts an important facet of the pursuit of happiness very simply in his Fifth Fundamental, "Stop Worrying":
• "The strategy here is quite basic: we want to be happy; our happiness is largely dependent upon our day-to-day mood; our day-to-day mood is largely dependent upon what thoughts pass through our mind; our thoughts can be brought under our control; and thus, by controlling our thoughts we can control our happiness."
• "... the more time one spends thinking positive thoughts, instead of negative thoughts, the happier one will be. And since thoughts are generally easier to change than feelings, the more we are able to harness the direction of our thoughts, the more control we will find over our happiness."
• Use the 'thought check,' 'thought switching' and your 'main thought' to focus your thinking (away from worrying) toward better moods and toward better overall happiness more of the time.
• For a concrete and testable example that "what you think is what you get," see the Cesar Millan "Dog Whisperer" example in Related Resources below.

See also The Happiness Show, originally a TV show about happiness (who they are), with lots of videos, etc., and their page on Dr. Michael W. Fordyce.

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• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor has written brilliantly "My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey" of recovery from a stroke. This may be the first time we have heard about a stroke and subsequent recovery as told firsthand by somebody trained in brain function, purpose and anatomy. It is an upbeat account, written for the general reader, and perhaps especially for those who have had a stroke and their caregivers. From the point of view of this page about Living a Happier Life, her discoveries about the control she had over her moods are very significant. Initially, for example, she found when the stroke disabled many of her disciplined left brain functions, she found herself feeling the greatest happiness and euphoria she had ever experienced. She used that knowledge to manage, regulate and balance the functions, attitudes and assertiveness of her left brain as those functions were recovered. She deliberately made for herself a more balanced, happier and more compassionate personality thereby. (And she explains how those of us who have not had a stroke but who have similar objectives, can do the same for ourselves). Fascinating, and very informative.
. Most of the other authors on this page speak of happiness in terms of their studies and their experience. But Taylor speaks of it as a very credible brain scientist from a very different perspective which you might find is surprisingly complementary to the work of those who approach it from a Psychological point of view. I found her articulation of the need for balance between our linear and logical left brain (which is also very good at filling in the blanks with brain chatter that is not always entirely truthful) and our more liberal right brain which is taking a much broader, more far-reaching and relaxed view (which many of us have learned to suppress more than is needful). Under 200 pages, I also found this book to be so captivating that I read it in a single evening (unheard-of!). She was very fortunate in the help she received; and we are equally fortunate to be able to read and understand it for our own benefit (and for those we know). Thank you, Dr..Jill.!!
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• Joel Osteen, and his wife Victoria are pastors at Christian nondenominational Lakewood Church in Houston. Larry King called him "the good news guy" and (to Joel and Victoria, who were together on the same program, 20 June 2005), "You're going to win the award as the happiest people ever to be on this program." Osteen has written several books about self-improvement, encouragement and inspiration that have been very well received. An early book, "Your Best Life Now" has a chapter "Choose to Be Happy." Some more current titles are "Position Yourself for Greatness," "Live Like a Champion," "A Life Worth Living," "Letting Go of the Past" and "Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day." The latter identifies the seven keys: [1] Keep pressing forward, [2] Be positive toward yourself, [3] Develop better relationships, [4] Form better habits, [5] Embrace the place where you are, [6] Develop your inner life, and [7] Stay passionate about life. Each key also includes a list of action points: practical steps each one of us can take to better ourselves, and to feel better about ourselves.
. Osteen's whole message is about adopting an optimistic view of everything, and being happier as a result. No matter what your take on his religious merits, on the scale between optimism and pessimism, he comes out solidly optimistic in every quarter, offering practical steps to self-improvement. Anybody seeking happiness through increased optimism and positive thinking (see note below) might like to see his books, or view his TV services. He does not ask for donations on TV (and says he will not do so); so you can just soak up some of his optimism and his ideas for generating more of your own optimism--all without even feeling any guilt.You can hardly help from feeling better after reading or listening to Joel for even a short time. You can sign up for the daily e-mailed "Today's Word with Joel & Victoria" and "Weekly e-votionals from Joel" they are free, and uncluttered. You can also view their archive of messages to see some past issues of each. .
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• On a broader scale in Britain, Dr. Richard Layard has prepared a series of lectures concerning why we are not a lot happier in developed countries given that incomes have increased substantially since the end of World War II, for example. His summary "Towards a Happier Society: The secrets of Happiness" may be most helpful if you are short of time. It is a five minute read dealing with happiness from a public policy perspective.
• Scroll down about one screen on Dr. Richard Layard's bio to the heading "Selected Publications available on the web:" for a list of links to his papers. They are very readable and informative.

• Also on the broad scale of happiness levels by country, the World Values Survey may be of interest. See "Happiness trends in 24 countries, 1946-2006" where you can download the entire report. See also the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research article "Happiness is rising around the world: U-M study" (June 2008), which discusses the report, and gives a good overview of its findings in half a dozen screens. Predictably, the highest scores tend to come from countries where political and economic freedom are valued and available. Here is the table of Subjective Well-being in 97 Countries (as a 1-page .PDF file), from the report.

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• Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (say  Mee'-high  Chik-sent'-mee-high'-ee; Wikipedia entry/bio) at the Drucker School of Management has been studying human enjoyment since 1963. His work on what he calls the optimal experience, or Flow (that state of enjoyment where you completely forget the passage of time, as a youngster playing an engaging video game, or as an artist who cannot pull herself away from her painting, even to eat; Wikipedia entry on "Flow") is described in a review by Rob Jellinghaus. His review of Csikszentmihalyi's book "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" is helpful in learning about how we can work to attain that state in other activities.
. Dr. Csikszentmihalyi  takes the view that it is not things nor experiences which create lasting happiness; rather, it is the way we interpret them. Therefore, his focus is on how to interpret rather than how to acquire or develop riches, relationships, skills, etc. [As you read Dr. Csikszentmihalyi, keep in mind that Dr. Haidt takes the view that some happiness (perhaps the most enduring) comes from within; but other happiness comes from without. You also need to take steps to change your situation and circumstances when you are able. His view is that it is the balanced application of both these two (which balance-point fluctuates, of course) that produces enduring happiness over time and evolving circumstances. You will see that Dr. Csikszentmihalyi takes this view also; but his focus in this book is on how we interpret our experiences.]

• Almost all of us have had the experience of flow at some point in our lives. But how do we create the conditions for flow to be a common occurrence rather than a random peak experience? What must be present to experience the 'helping hands' of flow on a regular basis?
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•  1. Express gratitude for what you have. Some people call it prayer, meditation or grace. Be in a state of thankfulness.
•  2. Live consciously. Deliberately change your thoughts, actions, and language to mirror your highest thoughts about yourself.
• Take the moral high ground. Use your highest thoughts about yourself as your guide in life.
•  3. Be committed to the outcome but not attached to it.
• COMMIT, is defined as, 'to put into charge or trust.' In contrast, the definition of ATTACH is, 'to bind by personal ties.'
• Once you are attached (ego-involved, or identify with the outcome), you are out of the zone.
•  4. Treat life as a game. If you take it too seriously, you'll create effort and struggle and frustration - definitely not flow.
•  5. Learn to trust your feelings, your experience (some call it an inner voice, or intuition).
•  6. When working on a project or solving a problem, bring it to completion as quickly as possible, taking the path of least resistance.
•  7. Do not judge or evaluate your actions or the actions of others. Stay 'out of your head.'
•  8. Appreciate and acknowledge all contributions whether you agree with them or not.
•  9. The physical universe doesn't lie. If something is not working, look inside yourself for the solution.
• Ask yourself, 'What can I learn from this?' 'Why does this situation keep occurring?' 'What is the universe telling me?'
• 10. Trust the flow and surrender to it. Feel the possibility of being in control. [See also Bill Harris's note on resistance below]..

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• In his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience--which is a very worthwhile read, by the way--Dr. Csikszentmihalyi says the following concerning our quest for greater happiness (my emphasis):
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• [This book] is not a popular book that gives insider tips about how to be happy. To do so would be impossible in any case, since a joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe. This book tries instead to present general principles, along with concrete examples of how some people have used these principles, to transform boring and meaningless lives into ones full of enjoyment..[Preface, p. xi].
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• 2,300 years ago Aristotle concluded that, more than anything else, men and women seek happiness. While happiness itself is sought for its own sake, every other goal--health, beauty, money, or power--is valued only because we expect that it will make us happy..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 1].
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• What I "discovered" was that happiness is not something that happens. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather, on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 2].
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• Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives [optial experiences], are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen. For a child, it could be placing with trembling fingers the last block on a tower she has built, higher than any she has built so far; for a swimmer, it could be trying to beat his own record; for a violinist, mastering an intricate musical passage. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 3].
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• There are literally thousands of [books] in print ..., explaining how to get rich, powerful, loved, or slim. Like cookbooks, they tell you how to accomplish a specific, limited goal on which few people actually follow through. Yet even if their advice were to work, what would be the result afterward in the unlikely event that one did turn into a slim, well-loved, powerful millionaire? Usually what happens is that the person finds himself back at square one, with a new list of wishes, just as dissatisfied as before. What would really satisfy people is not getting slim or rich, but feeling good about their lives..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 5].
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• Finally, the last step (chapter 10) will be to describe how people manage to join all experience into a meaningful pattern. When that is accomplished, and a person feels in control of life and feels that it makes sense, there is nothing left to desire. The fact that one is not slim, rich, or powerful no longer matters. The tide of rising expectations is stilled; unfulfilled needs no longer trouble the mind. Even the most humdrum experiences become enjoyable..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 7].
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• When people try to achieve happiness on their own, without the support of a faith, they usually seek to maximize pleasures that are either biologically programmed in their genes or are [set] out as attractive by the society in which they live. Wealth, power, and sex become the chief goals that give direction to their strivings. But the quality of life cannot be improved this way. Only direct control of experience, [and] the ability to derive moment-by-moment enjoyment from everything we do, can overcome the obstacles to fulfillment..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 8].
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• To overcome the anxieties and depressions of contemporary life, individuals must become independent of the social environment to the degree that they no longer respond exclusively in terms of its rewards and punishments. To achieve such autonomy, a person has to learn to provide rewards to herself. She has to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of external circumstances. This challenge is both easier and more difficult than it sounds: easier because the ability to do so is entirely within each person's hands; difficult because it requires a discipline and perseverance that are relatively rare in any era, and perhaps especially in the present. And before all else, achieving control over experience requires a drastic change in attitude about what is important and what is not..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 16].
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• The solution is to gradually become free of societal rewards and learn how to substitute for them rewards that are under one's own powers. This is not to say that we should abandon every goal endorsed by society; rather, it means that, in addition to or instead of the goals others use to bribe us with, we develop a set of our own..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 19].
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• The most important step in emancipating oneself from social controls is the ability to find rewards in the events of each moment. ... Power returns to the person when rewards are no longer relegated to outside forces. ... Instead of forever straining for the tantalizing prize dangled just out of reach, one begins to harvest the genuine rewards of living. But it is not by abandoning ourselves to instinctual desires that we become free of social controls. We must also become independent from the dictates of the body, and learn to take charge of what happens in the mind [consciousness]. Pain and pleasure occur in consciousness and exist only there. As long as we obey the socially conditioned stimulus-response patterns that exploit our biological inclinations, we are controlled from the outside..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 19].
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• Control over consciousness is not simply a cognitive skill. At least as much as intelligence, it requires the commitment of emotions and will. It is not enough to know how to do it; one must do it, consistently, in the same way as athletes or musicians who must keep practicing what they know in theory. And this is never easy. Progress is relatively fast in fields that apply knowledge to the material world, such as physics or genetics. But it is painfully slow when knowledge is to be applied to modify our own habits and desires. [This is not meant to be daunting at all; rather, it is mentioned so that in the quest we will exercise patience, and work tenaciously at doing it. Results will follow over the long term just as the bright sunlight of the day follows the darkness of the night..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 21].
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• Because attention determines what will or will not appear in consciousness, and because [attention] is also required to make any other mental events--such as remembering, thinking, feeling, and making decisions--happen there, it is useful to think of it as "psychic energy". Attention is like energy in that without it no work can be done, and in doing work it is dissipated. We create ourselves by how we invest this energy. Memories, thoughts, and feelings are all shaped by how we use it. And it is an energy under our control, to do with as we please; hence, attention is our most important tool in the task of improving the quality of experience..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 33].
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• These are the pieces [the way we invest psychic energy on the structures of attention] that must be maneuvered if we wish to improve things. Of course, existence can also be improved by outside events, like winning a million dollars in the lottery, marrying the right man or woman, or helping to change an unjust social system. But even these marvelous events must take their place in consciousness, and be connected in positive ways to our self, before they can affect [the] quality of [our] life..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 35].

• We give this condition [psychic disorder] many names, depending on how we experience it: pain, fear, rage, anxiety, or jealousy. All these varieties of disorder force attention to be diverted to undesirable objects, leaving us no longer free to use it according to our preferences. Psychic energy becomes unwieldy and ineffective, [and our quality of life suffers, along with our happiness]. [Chapter 2:.The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 36].

• It is a struggle for establishing control over attention. The struggle does not necessarily have to be physical, as in the case of the [rock] climber. But anyone who has experienced flow knows that the deep enjoyment it provides requires an equal degree of disciplined concentration..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 41].

• When we choose a goal and invest ourselves in it to the limits of our concentration, whatever we do will be enjoyable..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 42].

• And the reality is that the quality of life does not depend directly on what others think of us or on what we own. The bottom line is, rather, how we feel about ourselves and about what happens to us. To improve life one must improve the quality of experience..[Chapter 3: Enjoyment and the Quality of Life, p. 43].

• ... People describe the common characteristics of optimal experience [as] a sense that one's skills are adequate to cope with the challenges at hand, in a goal-directed, rule-bound action system that provides clear clues as to how well one is performing. Concentration is so intense that there is no attention left over to think about anything irrelevant, or to worry about problems. Self-consciousness disappears, and the sense of time becomes distorted. An activity that produces such experiences is so gratifying that people are willing to do it for its own sake, with little concern for what they will get out of it, even when it is difficult, or dangerous..[Chapter 4: The Conditions of Flow, p. 71].

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• Dr. David D. Burns (Wikipedia entry; NationMaster Encyclopedia entry) wrote his outstanding mood therapy book back in the day (with 4 million+ copies now in print in the U.S., and now with 45 million+ world-wide). It was rated the top self-help book for depressed individuals by mental health professionals. [You can freely browse inside the book at Harper Collins page by page]. Recently (1996), Burns has revised and expanded its usefulness as a self-help tool for those interested in improving their outlook and gaining greater happiness in every day life. Burns popularized cognitive therapy (suggestions to help with the way you think about things) in the first edition of this book back in 1980. Since then, many individuals and therapists have used his concepts to improve their lives and those of their patients, many without drug intervention. Burns has also published many other books on this theme, including a workbook which many have found very helpful in working toward developing greater happiness and joy in their everyday lives.
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• In his revised book Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy, the clinically proven drug-free Treatment for Depression Burns identifies three principles of cognitive therapy. It is "practical and based on common sense, and you can make it work for you," he says. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, pp. 12-13; my emphasis].
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• FIRST PRINCIPLE OF COGNITIVE THERAPY
. The first principle of cognitive therapy is that all your moods are created by your "cognitions," or thoughts. A cognition refers to the way you look at things--your perceptions, mental attitudes, and beliefs. It includes the way you interpret things--what you say about something or someone to yourself. You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment. . Let me illustrate this. How have you been feeling as you read this? You might have been thinking, "Cognitive therapy sounds too good to be true. It would never work for me." If your thoughts run along these lines, you are feeling skeptical or even discouraged. What causes you to feel that way? Your thoughts. You create those feelings by the dialogue you are having with yourself about this book! . Conversely, you may have felt a sudden uplift in mood because you thought, "Hey, this sounds like something which might finally help me." Your emotional reaction is generated not by the sentences you are reading but by the way you are thinking. The moment you have a certain thought and believe it, you will experience an immediate emotional response. Your thought actually creates the emotion. .
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• SECOND PRINCIPLE OF COGNITIVE THERAPY
. The second principle is that when you are feeling depressed, your thoughts are dominated by a pervasive negativity. You perceive not only yourself but the entire world in dark, gloomy terms. What is even worse--you'll come to believe things really are as bad as you imagine them to be. . If you are substantially depressed, you will even begin to believe that things always have been and always will be negative. As you look into your past, you remember all the bad things that have happened to you. As you try to imagine the future, you see only emptiness or unending problems and anguish. This bleak vision creates a sense of hopelessness. This feeling is absolutely illogical; but it seems so real that you have convinced yourself that your inadequacy will go on forever. .
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• THIRD PRINCIPLE OF COGNITIVE THERAPY
. The third principle is of substantial philosophical and therapeutic importance. Our research has documented that the negative thoughts which cause your emotional turmoil nearly always contain gross distortions. Although these thoughts appear valid, you will learn that they are irrational or just plain wrong, and that twisted thinking is a major cause of your suffering. . The implications are important. Your depression is probably not based on accurate perceptions of reality but is often the product of mental slippage. . Suppose you believe that what I've said has validity. What good will it do you? Now we come to the most important result of our clinical research. You can learn to deal with your moods more effectively if you master methods that will help you pinpoint and eliminate the mental distortions which cause you to feel upset. As you begin to think more objectively, you will begin to feel better.
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• Burns and others have conducted studies comparing results of cognitive therapy (both from reading the book alone, and working with the aid of a therapist) with more traditional treatments using anti-depressant drugs during twelve-week sessions with follow-up thereafter. The results suggest a significant possibility of improving your general level of happiness by just reading the book and practicing its precepts and principles, which is especially desirable for those "who prefer not to rely on drugs to raise their spirits, but prefer to develop an understanding of what is troubling them and do something to cope with it." [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 16].
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• He talks further about the amount of improvement and its lasting effects (with answers to frequently-asked questions; my emphasis):
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• In my experience the most crucial predictor of recovery is a persistent willingness to exert some effort to help yourself. Given this attitude, you will succeed. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 16].
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• Just how much improvement can you hope for? The average cognitively treated patient experienced a substantial elimination of symptoms by the end of treatment [12 weeks]. Many reported they felt the happiest they had ever felt in their lives. They emphasized that the mood-training brought about a sense of self-esteem and confidence. No matter how miserable, depressed, and pessimistic you now feel, I am convinced that you can experience beneficial effects if you are willing to apply the methods described in this book with persistence and consistency. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 16].
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• How long do the effects last? The findings from follow-up studies during the year after completion of treatment are quite interesting. While many individuals from both groups had occasional mood swings at various times during the year, both groups continued on the whole to maintain the gains they had demonstrated by the end of twelve weeks of active treatment. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, pp. 16-17].
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• Which group actually fared better during the follow-up period? The psychological tests, as well as the patients' own reports, confirmed that the cognitive therapy group continued to feel substantially better, and these differences were statistically significant. The relapse rate over the course of the year in the cognitive therapy group was less than half that observed in the drug patients. These were sizable differences that favored the patients treated with the new approach. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 17].
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• Does this mean that I can guarantee you will never again have the blues after using cognitive methods to eliminate your current depression? Obviously not. That would be like saying that once you have achieved good physical condition through daily jogging, you will never again be short of breath. Part of being human means getting upset from time to time, so I can guarantee you will not achieve a state of never-ending bliss! This means you will have to reapply the techniques that help you if you want to continue to master your moods. There's a difference between feeling better--which can occur spontaneously, and getting better--which results from systematically applying and reapplying the methods that will lift your mood whenever the need arises. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 17].
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• Is it safe for depressed individuals to try to help themselves using the principles and methods outlined in this book? The answer is ... definitely yes! This is because the crucial decision to try to help yourself is the key that will allow you to feel better as soon as possible, regardless of how severe your mood disturbance might seem to be. [Chapter 2: How to Diagnose Your Moods: The First Step in the Cure, p. 23].
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• Burns identifies 10 common kinds of distorted thinking that depress your mood. [Chapter 3: Understanding your Moods: You Feel the Way You think, pp. 42-43; my emphasis]. In subsequent chapters he points out how these distortions contribute significantly to reduced happiness, and suggests remedies for correcting your thinking that will elevate your moods. He also deals with the all-important notion of self-esteem, and how to improve it. The lack of self-esteem and the distorted thinking combine to reduce your happiness, joy and contentment. And they are both matters which are under your control. You can learn to remedy both of them without drugs or therapy; it requires only the better understanding that Burns also provides.
. At any rate, here is Burns' list of 10 kinds of distorted thinking.
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• 1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
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• 2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
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• 3. MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
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• 4. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
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• 5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. [This has two parts]:
• a. Mind reading. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out.
• b. The Fortune Teller Error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
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• 6. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."
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• 7. EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
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• 8. SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts," as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct "should" statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
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• 9. LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: "He's a g___ louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
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• 10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.
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• Burns summarizes three steps to improve your self-esteem. He emphasizes: "When you are experiencing a blue mood, the chances are that you are telling yourself you are inherently inadequate or just plain "no good." You will become convinced that you have a bad core or are essentially worthless. To the extent that you believe such thoughts, you will experience a severe emotional reaction of despair and self-hatred." [Chapter 4: Start by Building Self-Esteem, pp. 78-80; my emphasis]. "Then how can I develop a sense of self-esteem?" you may ask. "The answer is that you don't have to! You don't have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice. Why? Because that critical inner voice is wrong! Your internal self-abuse springs from illogical, distorted thinking. Your sense of worthlessness is not based on truth, it is just the abscess which lies at the core of depressive illness." His three steps are as follows.
• 1. Zero in on those automatic negative thoughts and write them down. Don't let them buzz around in your head; snare them on paper!
• 2. Read over the list of ten cognitive distortions. Learn precisely how you are twisting things and blowing them out of proportion.
• 3. Substitute a more objective thought that puts the lie to the one which made you look down on yourself. As you do this, you'll begin to feel better. You'll be boosting your self-esteem, and your sense of worthlessness (and, of course, your depression) will disappear.
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• Bill Harris, at the Centerpointe Research Institute (lots of commercial clutter) posts "How To Really Let Whatever Happens Be Okay—and Why You Would Want To." This free article is helpful in reducing or eliminating your suffering when things do not go as you would like. By resisting what is (and can't be changed), you lose your inner peace. As long as it can't be changed, you could benefit, at least, from maintaining your inner peace while the unpleasant thing unfolds. Those who succeed in allowing it to be ok make huge gains in their happiness and emotional well-being. Harris also speaks about helpful approaches when you can change all or parts of the unpleasant thing.
. He identifies 6 important principles (my italics) concerning this resistance:
• #1: All discomfort is caused by resistance.
• #2: We each have an internal map of reality [others call it the ego], the contents of which we did not consciously choose, and which operates automatically to create our results and experience of life.
• #3: Our main agenda in creating this [internal] map is to be safe.
• #4: The more that safety was an issue in your family [as a child], the more likely your map of reality will be built around the issue of safety, and the more likely you will be to protect it from changing.
• #5: Though they may seem to cause your discomfort, outside events are merely triggers. The root cause of all discomfort is not what we resist, but the resistance itself.
• #6: Because the resistance is the cause of discomfort, ending it is the solution.
. And he offers some suggestions about what you can do about resistance:
• 1) Recognize [that you are resisting and feeling discomfort].
• 2) Acknowledge [your discomfort that arises from resisting].
• 3) Watch with curiosity. [Tolle describes this as being an "alert witness" to the unpleasant thing and your response. You step aside and observe, consciously. Tolle also suggests (alternately) that you make yourself transparent to the irritation by visualizing it passing right through you with no resistance (therefore, no effect).]
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• [Voilà: the resistance begins to dissipate, just because you recognized and watched it with curiosity. ... And your internal map gets another revision based on the newly understood reality. Don't try to change the outcome (that's just more resistance); rather, observe it as it unfolds. You are letting the revisions to your map be ok. They are always an improvement.]
. "Your goal, then, is ... to have your response to whatever happens be a choice, and to have that response be independent of anything happening around you. Once you learn how to exercise this choice, you can choose happiness and peace regardless of what is going on around you." [See also One [Good] Tip for Getting Things Done - from the Positivity Blog, below].

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• Dr. Jonathan Haidt, an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Virginia has written "The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom." His book deals with ten ideas, each of which has been discovered by several past civilizations and contains lessons for us today. "It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning." The introduction and three chapters are available free as .PDF files on-line. Dr. Seligman says "For the reader who seeks to understand happiness, my advice is: Begin with Haidt." In the introduction to The Happiness Hypothesis, Haidt observes "If you know ... why you so easily see the world through a distorting lens of good and evil, you can take steps to reduce your self-righteousness. You can thereby reduce the frequency of conflicts with others who are equally convinced of their righteousness." In his section "beyond the book" entitled How to Become Happier, he lists five balanced steps to becoming happier:
• Step 1: Diagnose Yourself.
• Step 2: Improve Your Mental Hygiene.
• Step 3: Improve Your Relatedness.
• Step 4: Improve Your Work.
• Step 5: Improve Your Connection to Something Beyond Yourself.
In the conclusion of How to Become Happier, he points out that "Happiness is not the shallow state of feeling pleased and chipper all the time. Happiness is the state of a human being that has achieved cross-level coherence within herself, and between herself and the people, challenges, and institutions around her. Happiness comes from between." And in Chapter 10, in the section "The Meaning of Life" (pp. 238-9) he says the following (my emphasis).
• "What can you do to live a good, happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life? What is the answer to the question of purpose within life? I believe the answer can be found only by understanding the kind of creature that we are, divided in the many ways we are divided. We were shaped by individual selection to be selfish creatures who struggle for resources, pleasure, and prestige, and we were shaped by group selection to be hive creatures who long to lose ourselves in something larger. We are social creatures who need love and attachments, and we are industrious creatures with needs for effectance (able to enter a state of vital engagement with our work). We are the rider [a brain, with reason] and we are the elephant [long-held habits and automatic reflexes], and our mental health depends on the two working together, each drawing on the others' strengths. I don't believe there is an inspiring answer to the question, "What is the purpose of life?" Yet by drawing on ancient wisdom and modern science, we can find compelling answers to the question of purpose within life. The final version of the happiness hypothesis is that happiness comes from between. Happiness is not something that you can find, acquire, or achieve directly. You have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of those conditions are within you, such as coherence among the parts and levels of your personality. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you: Just as plants need sun, water, and good soil to thrive, people need love, work, and a connection to something larger. It is worth striving to get the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself. If you get these relationships right, a sense of purpose and meaning will emerge."
From the Conclusion: on Balance (p. 242) he points out that "Happiness requires changing yourself and changing the world. It requires pursuing your own goals and fitting in with others. Different people at different times in their lives will benefit from drawing more heavily on one approach or the other."
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• Dr. Stephen R. Covey's old management classic The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (website; Wikipedia entry; summary from QuickMBA's management page) provides many insights into the kinds of personal growth and development which are helpful for life in general, and (perhaps surprisingly) in our quest for happiness too. The book is a world-wide best seller of something like 15 million copies, now translated into over three dozen languages. His 7 habits are: [1] Be Proactive, [2] Begin with the End in Mind, [3] Put First Things First, [4] Think Win/Win, [5] Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, [6] Synergize, [7] Sharpen the Saw. In his more recent book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Covey emphasizes that we should find our own voice, then inspire and help others to find theirs. Covey emphasizes not just the techniques and practices common to positive psychology, new age teachings and others, but also the fundamental importance of the underlying principles, mainly centered in character development (fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity). It is upon the foundation of these permanent habits of right living that the effectiveness (and happiness) results depend over the long term, he argues, as does Steve Pavlina, below.
• Covey cites the importance of balance in the P/PC dichotomy (Product and Production Capacity) that is essential to long term success. He uses the fable of the goose which laid golden eggs as a good example of what happens when you focus on the product or the production (the golden eggs) at the expense of the up-keep on the production capacity (the goose, which the farmer killed in his greed to get more eggs quickly). The implications for our contemporary "this quarter's results at any cost" management focus are abundant. In terms of happiness, we might seek a quick high from drugs or alcohol, for example; but the longer term results will leave us wanting. Of course, over-emphasis on the production capacity (such as staying in school forever) while living on the products of others is also unhelpful. It is the balance that delivers the worthwhile long-term results.
• In his afterword, Covey distinguishes between principles and values in ways he has learned more about since the book was published. "I have learned [more about the] importance of understanding the difference between principles and values. Principles are natural laws that are external to us and that ultimately control the consequences of our actions. Values are internal and subjective and represent that which we feel strongest about in guiding our behavior. Hopefully we will come to value principles, so that we get the results we want now in a way that enables us to get even greater results in the future, which is how I define effectiveness. Everyone has values; even criminal gangs have values. Values govern peoples' behavior but principles govern the consequences of those behaviors. Principles are independent of us. They operate regardless of our awareness of them, acceptance of them, liking of them, belief in them, or obeying of them. I have come to believe that humility is the mother of all virtues. Humility says we are not in control, principles are in control, therefore we submit ourselves to principles. Pride says that we are in control, and since our values govern our behavior, we can simply do life our way. We may do so but the consequences of our behavior flow from principles not our values. Therefore we should value principles."
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• Steve Pavlina has just released (Sept 2008) Personal Development for Smart People: the Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth (web Resources page). This book begins with seven principles, and adds practical application of these principles to your quest for personal growth. His three core or primary principles are [1] love, [2] truth, and [3] power; and his four secondary principles (combinations of the first three) are [4] oneness, [5] authority, [6] courage and [7] intelligence. What makes consideration of these principles important is that they are seen from a big-picture perspective in which they are universally true, do not change and can be applied over a broad spectrum of situations and circumstances to nearly every area of personal development. Because they are always rock-solid, the priorities, schedules and techniques which you derive from them remain anchored despite changing circumstances. Thus, the turbulence in your quest to improve does not affect the direction of your changes, it can only create a temporary diversion. As you adapt to the turbulence, you remain facing in (and confident of) the direction of the needed change. Steve (about) operates a very successful personal development blog at StevePavlina.com where you can read the content, and subscribe to the new entries. You will find this book and the blog especially helpful if, like me, you want to know what the over-arching principles are (and to be satisfied of their validity) before you jump into the application. Stephen Covey (above) makes many similar arguments concerning the imortance of fundamental strength of character, etc. Though Pavlina is not trained as a psychologist or writer (he's a computer scientist and mathematician), his material is very readable and helpful.
• Here are a few of his blog entries that caught my eye.
• How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes. Then scroll to the bottom of the article to see the Related Articles list; and the comments are enlightening too.
• The Meaning of Life: Discover Your Purpose, or the whole Meaning of Life Series.
• His Life After Death article deals in a logical/philosophical way with the prospects (either oblivion or else continuing consciousness and development), use of agency and choice, and ideas for how to live this life intelligently in the interim. It is very thought provoking. His related article, A Scientific Method for Exploring Consciousness provides some further interesting ideas on the topic of our own consciousness, and our intelligent use of it. His note on different belief systems resonates, in that he was able to "... separate out some degree of “truth” that seemed independent of my perspective. For example, no matter what belief system I held, it was important to me that it feel good." At the end, he observes wryly, "Hopefully this is enough to give you a sense of my pseudo-scientific method for exploring consciousness—or at least belief systems, which is a part of consciousness. It’s still a bit wild at this point, but then so am I." In any event, these articles may give us some new ideas in our own quest for greater happiness and purpose.
•  A set of more than a dozen Personal Development Articles.
• ... there are many more.
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Summary

• Finally, here is my own very informal list (distilled from the sources above and others) of potentially helpful ideas and practices. Some require preparation and work; but others require only a change in focus. Pick and choose the ones you think may work today. Try others later. Try some of them as experiments. "Which option you choose has a lot to do with how happy you already are, how happy you would like to become, how much you're willing to work at it" and what you feel like trying at the moment. So return to the lists again and again. In this list also, they are in no order. And some have [More] links to more detail/options, if needed/desired.

• Look for happiness in activities and in thoughts, attitudes and habits, rather than by itself or in external circumstances. There is value also in studying, understanding and being aware of happiness and how it is achieved [see Fordyce's 14th Fundamental for Attaining Happiness - The Secret Fundamental].

• Keep busy with lots of productive activities [More]. A healthy schedule helps divert your focus away from problems/worries/fears; and fun/new activities bring their own positive rewards.
• Feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment and creativity are major building blocks to an overall sense of happiness.

• Engage in meaningful activity. A meaningful or purposeful exercise regimen would double the benefit.

• Social interaction provides what is perhaps the most important activity leading to increased happiness and balance for many people [More].
• Mattering to somebody else gives value to self. Seek a wide variety of interaction from casual one-on-one to large organized/formal group interactions.
• Engaging with others helps you see your own situation in a more balanced context.

• Be part of (or work toward) a rewarding love-relationship -- it is the number 1 happiness asset for most everyone according to many researchers.

• Generosity and kindness are together a helpful mindset. Help others with no thought of any return. Go the second mile sometimes.
• Engage in meaningful, productive volunteerism (and get three benefits in one). Do it kindly, and get four benefits.
• Hold a brand new baby; tell the baby of your love; welcome it to the world; smile; enjoy the uninhibited social contact with the baby; feel the baby's acceptance.
• Be loving to yourself. Dr. Wayne Dyer says: "I choose the path of kindness. The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others."⁶

• Be generous and loving with yourself. Make yourself your own best friend and booster.
• As Shanel Yang says, "Dare to be awesome! Strive to be your own greatest hero!"
• Avoid distorted thinking by allowing yourself to fail in one thing without concluding you are a complete loser [More].

• Focus on the here and now - mindfulness, as the Buddhists teach it [More]. Pay attention to small wonders, pleasures and happy moments.
• One researcher says to step away momentarily and savor (or dwell on) a happy activity; then step back in, recognizing its value on a higher level. Dwell on that, too.

• Practice regular meditation, which can be a powerful source of happiness, contentment and well-being that is purely internal [More].

• Do things when they need to be done - avoid procrastination (it robs you of your happiness) - develop self-reliance [More].

• Regulate your appetites and passions (and even your perfectionism) [More].
• Use wisdom and moderation in all you do. "Just do something sensible," said the sage.

• Focus on getting enough sleep; not more, not less. Focus on getting enough nutritious foods; not more, not less

• Be thankful and grateful for, and content with what you have. Count your blessings--recognize and appreciate them. Do it regularly.
• Write down three good things that happened each day before retiring. Note how they came about. [More] Think about them as you go to sleep.
• Add thoughts of forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness. They all magnify the effects.

• For those who are faith inspired, exercise faith, prayer and scripture study with humility and patience. Focus on aligning practices with beliefs [More].

• Seek out humor and fun. Read the comics. Laugh out loud.

• Think of the positive parts (cup half full, not half empty), and the good things that could happen.
• Optimism is a good predictor of happiness. It may be the most important attitude leading to increased happiness [More].
• Avoid cynicism (cup is twice as big as it needs to be). It can rob you of your optimism.

• Eliminate worry (it never solves the problem; just change the subject in your mind to something positive and/or enjoyable).
• Let go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low self-image and other baggage. [More].
• Letting go frees up energy for positive steps toward greater happiness, and eliminates an important block to greater happiness.

• Work toward getting out of debt and staying out of debt. Financial hassles can drain potential for happiness, especially in some individuals.

• Find your passion; make a career of it. Work constitutes a big chunk of time; being happy in your work can contribute significantly to overall happiness [More].
• As Seligman puts it: "figure out your strengths, and find new ways to deploy them." Working from your strengths can be the number 1a lasting happiness choice for students.
• Working from strength applies not only to work/career, but to hobbies, retirement projects, lifetime pursuits that may need to be done part time, etc. It all leads to greater happiness.

• Work toward a higher education and higher income. Money doesn't buy happiness, but having enough to meet your needs reduces stress and disappointment.

• Act like a happier person. Smile more. Initially it may seem shallow and faked; but you will be surprised to find yourself actually feeling happier with time (and acting less).

• Remember that by simply thinking about and valuing happiness (paying increased attention to it) you obtain a free by-product: increased happiness [More].

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• Finally: Avoid what leads to unhappiness [More] -- be patient; focus on building your own strengths of character and purity of heart--your worst enemy can't stop or even interfere with either one. And don't keep your innate happiness from helping you to feel better. See also the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item [More].

• Ignore gender, intelligence, wealth and age -- much of research says they are all largely irrelevant in the quest for greater happiness, satisfaction, inner peace and contentment.

• Engage a balance of seeking happiness from your surroundings and in seeking happiness from within. Haidt has the best information on this balance, and the necessity of both components.

• Remember that this quest for happiness is for the long haul. There will be good days and bad days. It will take time and effort. Remember Beverly Sills, the American opera singer: "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
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"Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves.
That’s a fundamental mistake [if undertaken by itself].
Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way that you think."³
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Here are some timeless quotes about happiness.
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• "Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give". - David R. Hawkins.
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• "What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is to be independent of the good opinions of other people". - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.
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• "Follow your dreams. If you want it, go get it." - Courtney Oliver.
• This astounding girl became a certified vet tech as a 10 year old in 2008.
• Her Pack Profile on Cesar Millan's website; her website: Courtney's Critters).  Go get it, girl !!
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• <next, future>
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Notes and more detail/options for some of the items above.


 

. . Notes on "Keep busy with lots of productive activities ..."  These activities can be any of the get-up-and-get-going activities of socializing, sports, hiking, volunteering, etc. The individual activities do not matter: that is, there is no evidence that tennis is better at making people happy than is ice skating, for example. What is important is the "something in which to be engaged." It helps us to focus on something beyond our troubles. Of course, when done with others, it brings an important social component; and the exercise component can only help with general health and fitness. Take a walk every day; take your dog. When you can add meaningfulness and purpose, you amplify the effect. . Remember Lincoln's note on getting out and being busy with good works:  “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” . Recall also Burns' advice if you just can't get yourself going: "Do you know why virtually any meaningful activity has a decent chance of brightening your mood'? If you do nothing, you will become preoccupied with the flood of negative, destructive thoughts. If you do something, you will be temporarily distracted from that internal dialogue of self-denigration. What is even more important, the sense of mastery you will experience [when you succeed in some ways] will disprove many of the distorted thoughts that slowed you down in the first place." [Chapter 5: Do-Nothingism: How to Beat It, p. 94; my emphasis]. . . Notes on "Social interaction provides what is perhaps the most important activity leading to increased happiness ..."  Social interaction, as an activity, shares the "perhaps most important" designation with Optimism as an attitude or mindset. These two happiness assets are often seen to contribute more to increased happiness than do other attitudes and/or activities. Thus, they are listed together at the top of many lists of ways to increase happiness. Having a rewarding love-relationship can be an important part of social interaction, of course. It is the number 1 happiness asset for most everyone according to many researchers. As such, it may be well worth the effort to find, or (if you already have it) to enhance and preserve. Where social interaction is available, and especially when people find it comfortable and rewarding, then when one knows how important it can be, this can be a very enjoyable way to create a happy mood at the moment, and to increase one's general level of happiness over the longer term. Dr. Michael Fordyce (above) in his 13th Fundamental "Close Relationships are #1" makes the following observations: Appreciate and maintain your close friends, your family members, and your most intimates -- for these are your main source of happiness! If you are fortunate to have such ties, do whatever you can do to develop, to maintain, to repair, or to sustain your relationship with them. More than money, more than success, more than fame or popularity -- time invested in enhancing your closest ties will reap, by far, the greatest happiness rewards life affords, according to the bulk of happiness research. Love is, indeed, the most potent happiness factor of all! The research is abundantly clear: a person who has loving, close social and familial ties in their life, has the greatest happiness gift life can provide! Of all the factors researchers have studied, this one factor appears to be confirmed as a universal certainty!  Engage in, pursue and cultivate the relationships that help you in your happiness quest; allow others to decline and fade. Social interaction is also a great activity in which to practice the Eighth Fundamental of Dr. Fordyce, "Present-Orientation." By itself, the latter is an aid to achieving greater happiness; and practicing it during social interactivity can magnify the effect of both. One of the difficulties of some unhappy people, of course, is that social interaction is neither comfortable nor rewarding. They often feel that they make more enemies than friends with their efforts to interact socially. They often withdraw and isolate themselves socially as a result. In these cases, one can just focus more on other methods, particularly optimism and positive thinking (see note below) which are also a very important happiness assets (and can be pursued even if one is completely alone). Happily (sorry, pun intended), once some higher level of general happiness is gained, many of these people will find that their social skills will also improve, leaving them free to pursue increased social interaction, perhaps starting with some of the more cautious approaches. Some people will scoff, or course, and claim it is not really socializing; but if you are very shy, you can do some on-line socializing, at least to get started. Check out some of the social networking websites, adopt a persona, or simply be yourself, and see what happens. Be cautious about what you post on the Internet, of course (in any case, you should post only information that you would be comfortable if anybody saw it--see our notes on the lengthy lifetimes and potential wide distribution--and especially privacy issues--concerning Internet posts of all sorts).  Social interaction and close relationships are strong happiness assets; and a rewarding love relationship (when it is good) is the strongest happiness asset. However, as Dr. Michael Fordyce (above) also points out in his 13th Fundamental "Close Relationships are #1," one's personal mental health (the balance and self-sufficiency they bring to a relationship in the first instance--see his 9th Fundamental "Work On a Healthy Personality") is the principal predictor of relationship success, overall. The point here is that working on one's own self-sufficiency and balanced mental health first, and then seeking a rewarding love relationship may be a better approach than beginning with a quest for a rewarding love relationship. Back in the day, Dale Carnegie wrote an all-time best seller, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Wiki entry; basic summary) that lists all the ways that common sense and many other authors have articulated. But He does it with such charm and grace that the book is now celebrating 70+ years in print, and 15+ million in sales. This book is a good read, very uplifting by itself, and also, of course, very helpful in improving social relationships of all sorts (and with a large variety of really good examples). Below are some of the main points ("in a nutshell," as he says) from "How to Win Friends and Influence People." . FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE  --  p 50. . PRINCIPLE 1 - Don't criticize, condemn or complain. PRINCIPLE 2 - Give honest and sincere appreciation. PRINCIPLE 3 - Arouse in the other person an eager want. . . SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU  --  p. 112. . PRINCIPLE 1 - Become genuinely interested in other people. PRINCIPLE 2 - Smile. PRINCIPLE 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. PRINCIPLE 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. PRINCIPLE 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests. PRINCIPLE 6 - Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely. . . WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING  --  p. 200. . PRINCIPLE  1 - The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. PRINCIPLE  2 - Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." PRINCIPLE  3 - If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. PRINCIPLE  4 - Begin in a friendly way. PRINCIPLE  5 - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately. PRINCIPLE  6 - Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. PRINCIPLE  7 - Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. PRINCIPLE  8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. PRINCIPLE  9 - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. PRINCIPLE 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives. PRINCIPLE 11 - Dramatize your ideas. PRINCIPLE 12 - Throw down a challenge. . . BE A LEADER  --  p. 248. . A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior.  Some suggestions to accomplish this: . PRINCIPLE 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation. PRINCIPLE 2 - Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. PRINCIPLE 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. PRINCIPLE 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. PRINCIPLE 5 - Let the other person save face. PRINCIPLE 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise." PRINCIPLE 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. PRINCIPLE 8 - Use encouragement. Make any fault seem easy to correct. PRINCIPLE 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. . . Notes on "Focus on the here and now ..." This may seem trivial in its importance initially; but it is central to finding enduring happiness from within, and for letting go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low self-image and other baggage. Worries about the future and guilt about the past only serve to hijack your attention away from the present (the only time and place where you can do anything, including feeling happy). . Eckhart Tolle says (in The Power of NOW: a guide to spiritual enlightenment [chapter 3, Moving Deeply Into the Now, page 55; Book Review]: "Be present as the watcher of your mind--of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations. Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes you to react. Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future. Do not judge or analyze what you observe. Watch the thought, feel the emotion, observe the reaction. Do not make a personal problem out of them. You will then feel something more powerful than any of those things that you observe: [enjoying] the still, observing presence itself behind the content of your mind, the silent watcher." . The above reviewer points out that "This is one of the many ways in which.Eckhart Tolle’s teaching is so radically different from other spiritual traditions. He seems to imply that enlightenment is already the case, and that we only need to stop and be silent for this dimension to be revealed to us. Furthermore, Eckhart Tolle maintains that enlightenment is the only truly natural way to live one’s life; it is only through a radical transformation of human consciousness that humanity can hope to live in peace and harmony." The core of this transformation is to focus much more on the here and now, using the past and future only as reference points, when needed; but dwell in the present. . Eckhart Tolle has also written A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose [Author's comments], which I found quite a bit more readable than The Power of NOW. In A New Earth, Tolle speaks eloquently (and to me, much more clearly) concerning the role of the ego in strengthening the false self, and how to dissolve its effects simply by being the watcher of your mind (see immediately above). Taking these steps is essential to obtaining that inner happiness which we are all seeking, and is within each of us, waiting to be allowed to manifest itself. . On happiness, Tolle says (A New Earth, chapter 4 - Role-playing: the Many Faces of the Ego, p. 96),  . Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what "is" rather than making up stories about it.  . Unhappiness covers up your natural state of well-being and inner peace, the source of true happiness. . In his comments on writing A New Earth {scroll down past the photo of the book, etc., to "The One Thing" heading}, Tolle notes that "the terminology used needs to be as neutral as possible so that it transcends the confines of any one culture, religion, or spiritual tradition." In my view, he substantially accomplishes that goal. Well done; and very helpful. . . . Many happiness seekers also find meditation helpful for focusing on the here and now. . Thoughts lead to feelings. Control thoughts by changing to better thoughts; better feelings will result. Rhonda Byrne, in The Secret (review), says: "Make a list of some Secret Shifters to have up your sleeve. By Secret Shifters, I mean things that can change your feelings in a snap. It might be beautiful memories, future events, funny moments, nature, a person you love, your favorite music. Then if you find yourself angry or frustrated or not feeling good, turn to your Secret Shifters list and focus on one of them. Different things will shift you at different times, so if one doesn't work, go to another. It only takes a minute or two of changing focus ... ." When you feel better, re-focus on the here and now. She quotes Bob Proctor on the subject: "When you're feeling down, did you know that you can change it in an instant? Put on a beautiful piece of music, or start singing--that'll change your emotion. Or think of something beautiful. Think of a baby or somebody that you truly love, and dwell on it. Really keep that thought in your mind. Block everything out but that thought. I guarantee you'll start to feel good." An article "Cultivating Positive Emotions to Optimize Health and Well-Being" may be helpful, if you are an avid reader. . Try some of the "8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment" from the Positivity Blog (see Related item below): 1. Focus on what’s right in front of you. 2. Focus on your breathing. 3. Focus on your inner body. 4. Pick up the vibe from present people. 5. Surrender to the emotion that is already there. 6. See things as for the first time. 7. Punch your leg. 8. Have a drink or two. . For a concrete and testable example that "what you think is what you get," see the Cesar Millan "Dog Whisperer" example in Related Resources below. Keep in mind the sage advice of Adam Smith: "Through the whole of his life he pursues the idea of a certain artificial and elegant repose which he may never arrive at, for which he sacrifices a real tranquillity that is at all times in his power, and which, if in the extremity of old age he should at last attain to it, he will find to be in no respect preferable to that humble security and contentment which he had abandoned for it." See also How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind. Its on the Positivity Blog, in the Related Resources, below. . . Notes on "Practice regular meditation, ..." ... There are many forms of meditation. In its simplest form, we find a quiet place, sit comfortably and close our eyes. We focus on reciting some mantra such as "the bubbling brook runs onward," or simply pay attention to our breathing. Anything peaceful will do. The focus item itself is unimportant; the idea here is to have something to focus on, and to come back to as other thoughts melt away. When these other thoughts come, we neither resist them nor encourage them. We just take note of them, and let them fade. Momentary focus on our mantra or our breathing help in stilling our minds. The idea is for your conscious mind to be focusing on itself (or its own agenda) or on some inner sources. As the activities of the world around us fade, and this consciousness of self ascends, inner peace, joy and happiness come to the fore. Everyone experiences something different. But virtually all report greater peace and serenity, lowered stress levels, etc., both during their meditation sessions and afterward. Find a method that suits you; and make it a regular part of your daily routine. Marci Shimoff (above) says that meditation, more than any other single practice brought inner happiness and joy into her life. Many Internet-based and other sources for beginners are freely available. Just Google "meditation for beginners" or "meditation for dummies" and include the quotation marks in both cases. There are some tens of thousands of websites with these contents. Wiley's {they sell books, of course} post well-written pages "Discovering What Meditation Is All About," "Figuring Out How to Breathe Meditatively" and "Making Meditation a Part of Your Life" that will give you some starting ideas. All these are adapted from their book, Meditation For Dummies, and are freely available on the Internet without buying anything.  "An Overview of Loving-kindness Meditation" is posted at Buddhanet.net with other helpful information and suggestions.  Tom Crumb posts The Art of Meditation which provides a helpful introduction for busy westerners. He says that meditation "is achieving a place of deep connection and tranquility, where you are accessing a field of intelligence that is far greater than that derived from the ego or intellect." The Dumb LIttle Man [Tips For Life] blog posts Meditation Techniques for the Busy or Impatient that gives the boot to notions that special positions, equipment, or circumstances are required. Lots of good hints here. Meditation requires no resources, no company, no equipment, and your eyes don't even have to be open or focused. You can learn to do it anytime, anywhere to bring peace and serenity into your consciousness. Use it in the line-up at the bank: change from stress, frustration and impatience to calm, quiet tranquility. Tolle points out that the momentary focus on your breathing, for example, and doing it many times a day is far more important than how long you do it at a sitting. A few seconds often every day will do it, he says [A New Earth, pp. 243-46]. Over the long run, you will adjust the length of each session automatically to your own individual best duration. For the spiritually inclined, he points out the spiritual component of the breath by quoting from Genesis 2:7 - "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." He also points out that "breathing" in Sanskrit and German have their origins in "the indwelling divine spirit" or "God within." That resonated with my own Christian beliefs. As Drs. Aggie Casey and Herbert Benson put it in Mind Your Heart: A Mind/Body Approach To Stress Management, Exercise And Nutrition For Heart Health, “your mind quiets and negative thoughts fade as you focus on your body,” or your breathing; and “if you quiet the body, you can calm the mind.” . . Notes on "Do things when they need to be done - avoid procrastination ..." The stress and anxiety you develop as the due date hangs over your head can displace your happiness. Shanel Yang's excellent piece, "Get a Handle on Procrastination" is very helpful in understanding procrastination. Shanel gives her experience in overcoming it in five steps. Shanel also recommends Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy (a book that gives 21 tips to stop procrastinating). Shanel's conclusion to "Get a Handle on Procrastination" is exceptionally good: "Imagine you’ve done all your big projects early, you have plenty of time to get the rest done without rushing, and you enjoy all your free time 100% guilt-free! I can tell you that feeling is totally addictive. You’ll crave as much as you can get as soon as you’ve had a taste of it." Very motivating. Many researchers speak of the ill effects of procrastination on happiness. Perfectionism is also a part of it for some people. See note on perfectionism, immediately below. . . Notes on "Regulate your appetites and passions (and even your perfectionism)." ... Some people suffer from perfectionism and do not know it. They have high standards; but they do not have sufficient exposure to the situations of others to recognize the perfectionism in their high standards. High standards are often a very good idea; sometimes they are essential. But if they are unrealistic, unattainable or unnecessary, they serve only to keep these people from enjoying the fulfilling satisfaction of doing something very well, or of delivering an excellent result in the grand scheme of things (and when compared to what many others accomplish). By acknowledging their perfectionism, they can regain the satisfaction of a job well done, and temper their rigid and over-idealized goals, sometimes without even taming the perfectionism by much. When perfection is the only goal sought after, anything less is often then viewed as failure. The silver medal winner is the second best at something in the whole world. How can that realistically (or profitably) be viewed as failure?  There is another component here, too: be content with what you have (or can get). Don't be cynical or sarcastic about it. Rather, look for the good (even the delightful) in what is present or achievable, rather than what is missing or impossible for you to achieve. Then, be thankful for it, enjoy it and derive happiness from it. The happiness benefit comes only from how you look at it. There is no work or effort about it at all. See also the 6th Fundamental of Fordyce (above), Lower Your Expectations & Aspirations (with comments on the pitfalls of goal-based happiness). He acknowledges that it is controversial; yet he offers some very compelling evidence from his research and that of others. Don't let your expectations for the future get in the way of enjoying life for what it is just now. And don't bypass happiness that does derive from accomplishment either. It can be significant. The thing to avoid here is depending on your expectations concerning the future to deliver happiness. It can backfire more often than it delivers. The regulation of appetites and passions is part of the wider dictum of the ages: "live a life of virtue." The ancients were right when they emphasized honor, kindness, virtue, right living, honesty, goodwill, temperance, prudence, etc. If you are living a pretense or saying one thing while doing another, happiness will elude you no matter what practices and techniques you bring to your endeavor. As Einstein reportedly observed, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Be sure to also consider this bigger picture in your quest for greater peace and happiness. Ensure that you are cultivating your seeds of technique and practice in the soil and sunshine of right living. The Buddhists teach it as the Noble Eightfold Path (right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration). And Covey teaches similar prerequisite underlying principles (fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity) for success in life, in business and in personal happiness. . . Notes on "Be thankful and grateful for, and content with what you have." ... When you are thinking "I feel so angry I can't think of a single thing to be thankful for" or "My life is a cesspool" find some glimmer of brightness somewhere in the day. The sun shone, somebody smiled, it didn't snow (or it didn't snow that much), the bus did not run over me at the stop, I was able to sit erect for breakfast, modern medical technology is wonderful, watching a waterfall is so restful, the birds are singing outside my window, the cedar forest smells so good, I am free to choose what I think about, my youngster looks so peaceful when he's asleep, that baby kitten is so cute, ... ... The list is endless. You will be surprised that when you find a single thing that was positive or helpful, your brain will start to think of others much more easily. And some will be humorous, which itself will help. Soon you will fill the page. This allows you to go to sleep on a more positive note. Note also that pleasant experiences need a little nudge to set them into our memories as effectively as the hurtful experiences seem to set themselves naturally. See the note on dwelling on pleasant experiences below, under the Optimism notes. . This "attitude of gratitude" can become infectious. You may find yourself wanting to get into that "counting my blessings" frame of mind. Not only does it make you feel better at the moment, but it is also healing you and helping you along the road to more frequent and longer-lasting happiness. Here are a very few example blessings you may want to think about (in case you need help getting started): family, music, sunrises, sunsets, rain, health, medicine (medical technology, know-how) food, TV, personal computers, indoor plumbing, transportation, central heat, the Internet, reading/writing/arithmetic (public education and personal learning), democracy, freedom, freedom to think/act/believe, microwave ovens, telephones, warm house/clothes/bed, photography, roads/sidewalks, tools and knowing how to use them, pets and other animals, soil and growing things, national defense and police forces, employment, voluntary service, having a choice about what to eat for dinner, seeing, hearing, touching, laughing, walking, ... ...  . In these practices (forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness, as with many of the others) you are not changing any of the reality you are facing, you are just changing your focus. Some people are simply not able to have any pleasant thoughts about some events or people. The suggestion here is to focus these concepts and practices first toward yourself, then on members of your family and close friends. With these groups you will often be more successful. Then, as you feel better, focus on acquaintances, neighbors, humanity in general, and finally extend these thoughts to your enemies when you feel ready. If you cannot muster personal contact, think in a kindly and loving way about somebody you like, or an event that was pleasant, then expand to others. Say a prayer in their behalf, express gratitude, and request a divine blessing if you are spiritually inclined. Remember that you are not condoning the bad actions of your enemies, letting them off in any sense, or even thinking about letting them back into your life. You are just "letting go" [see also the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item] to help yourself. . The Happy for No Reason workbook (link above) contains headings and helpful exercises on all these practices. Remember Marci's note: "What you appreciate, appreciates." Be glad and thankful that you are as happy as you are. By paying attention to it, your happiness increases. As you pay attention to the positive in the present, you experience greater happiness and diminish the hold that past mistreatment (or fear of future mistreatment) might otherwise have. Don't spend any time focusing on what you do not want (misery and unhappiness); rather, focus on what you do want (happiness, contentment and joy). What you focus on is what you get more of; and what you ignore is what diminishes. Also ask, "What can I learn from this?" And count it as a blessing (opportunity to learn and to become a better person). Move on at the higher level of happiness. . . Notes on "For those who are faith inspired, ..." These faith-inspired and spiritually-centered beliefs and practices are very powerful; but it apparently does not matter what they are in detail. It is the strength with which they are held that makes them effective in helping people feel the happiness they are seeking. The point here is that although research does not point to any specific beliefs as being more helpful than others; searching out, learning about and practicing your deeply-held beliefs has great potential to help you to achieve greater happiness. Joining a study group at your church, mosque, temple, mandir, synagogue or other meeting house can be a big help with these questions; and the social interaction and new friendships can only be helpful in your happiness quest also. Covey says that humility is the mother of all virtues. By subjecting ourselves to the principles which will govern the outcome, we will be able to make better choices than simply saying "just do it my way," or "I am going to do this my way, no matter what." Vickey Pahnke Taylor's Goodness Matters website {Christian themes} offers articles along with inspirational thoughts. They also sell books, CDs etc. "An Overview of Loving-kindness Meditation" is posted at Buddhanet.net with other helpful information and suggestions. The May You Be Blessed website offers a very pleasant 4 1/2 min movie with lots of pretty photos. It is very relaxing and uplifting. The Joy Movie is similar. Very pleasant. The 7 1/2 min video The Gentle Art of Blessing provides notes on leaving a mental blessing on all those you encounter and pass in life. It is a very relaxing and enjoyable few minutes, with pleasant scenes, music, and etc. . . Notes on "Optimism ... may be the most important attitude leading to increased happiness. ..." Optimism as an attitude or mindset, shares the "perhaps most important" designation with Social interaction, as an activity. These two happiness assets are often seen to contribute more to increased happiness than do other attitudes and/or activities. Thus, they are listed together at the top of many lists of ways to increase happiness. The faith-inspired may find it helpful to think: God is not sending/allowing things against me; He is sending/allowing things for me (or for my good). God can make even something bad work out for your good. If you spend your time thinking about the good side, you will feel happier overall (even though neither the pain nor the immediate outcome may be changed). And remember: "The answer to prayer is not according to your faith while you are talking, but according to your faith while you are working." [Wallace D. Wattles, in The Science of Getting Rich, Chapter 8--see entry on Wattles above with links to the components]. Here is The Optimist's Creed by Christian D. Larson, published in 1912.  Promise yourself ...  To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but in great deeds. To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you. Don't forget Joel Osteen's advice on optimistic thinking (above) - he may be the most optimistic man on the planet. And his suggestions are very infectious. . Keep in mind that our brains are naturally wired to take threats and bad experiences much more seriously than opportunities and pleasant experiences. Psychologists call it the negativity bias. Our brains are wired that way because it can mean survival if we remember that a rattle snake is poisonous (and can kill us); whereas, only a fleeting pleasure is lost if we forget how good we felt when so-and-so encouraged us. The lesson we can take from that is to be optimistic and positively savor or dwell on the pleasant experiences deliberately for 15 to 30 seconds. That easy technique will set them into our memories as firmly as a two second recognition of a threat or other bad experience. By routinely practicing this technique, we can get all the benefits of both, and improve our happiness noticeably. If we regularly practice gratitude (see Notes on Be Thankful ..., above), we can use that process as a mechanism to momentarily dwell on the positive, and get two benefits. The bottom line here is that the negative/hurtful things stay in our brains because of some ancient survival process; and we can get the same benefit from positive/helpful things by optimistically and consciously dwelling on them for 15-30 seconds whenever they occur. It can be a small investment for a big positive return. . . Notes on "Let go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low self-image and other baggage. ..." This "letting go" can be crucial for many unhappy people. These unhelpful practices can be the principal reason that greater happiness does not come easily. One of the main ideas here is that if you fight with these baggage items or actively detest them, or rail {complain bitterly} against them in trying to get rid of them, it seems only to make them stick better. You will be pleasantly surprised by the effectiveness of just letting them go. The Sedona method (which is also selling lots of related items) suggests you start with just deciding to drop the unhelpful ideas/emotions: Deciding to Drop It (from their article "The First Four Ways of Letting Go"). . Pick up a pen, a pencil, or some small object that you would be willing to drop without giving it a second thought. . Now, hold the object in front of you and really grip it tightly. Pretend this is one of your limiting feelings and that your hand represents your gut or your consciousness. If you held the object long enough, this would start to feel uncomfortable yet familiar. . Now, open your hand and roll the object around in it. Notice that you are the one holding on to it; it is not attached to your hand. The same is true with your feelings. Your feelings are as attached to you as this object is attached to your hand. . We hold on to our feelings and forget that we are holding on to them. It’s even in our language. When we feel angry or sad, we don’t usually say, “I feel angry,” or “I feel sad.” We say, “I am angry,” or “I am sad.” Without realizing it, we are misidentifying that we are the feeling. Often, we believe a feeling is holding on to us. This is not true … we are always in control and just don’t know it. . Now, let the object go. . What happened? You let go of the object, and it dropped to the floor. Was that hard? Of course not. That’s what we mean when we say, “Let go or ‘release'.” . You can do the same thing with any emotion: choose to let it go. In this process of "letting go" you rid yourself of the unhelpful baggage much more effectively than if you rail against it. They also suggest that when you experience an unhelpful emotion that you let it "settle" in some sense (be sure of how you are feeling), and then ask yourself some simple questions: Could I let this feeling go? It does not even matter whether you answer yes or no (but "no" may help you know how badly you want to be rid of it). Would I let this feeling go? Are you willing to be done with it? You may even be eager to let it go. Just don't rail against it. When? This is an invitation to answer "right now." But if not now, then maybe you will feel more like it later. At any rate, if you are ready, just let the unhelpful feeling or emotion go while visualizing the pen from the prior example falling to the floor. It took no effort beyond maybe tipping your hand slightly so it could roll off of its own accord. Here you are using your choice to just let it go. And you calmly begin thinking of other things. It may be helpful for some people to have a favorite positive/enjoyable subject to which to turn their attention. The point is that this gentle process allows you to become the manager of your thoughts and attitudes, allowing the baggage to just fall away. Repeat these steps whenever the old (or other) baggage returns to the stage of your mind. In a short time you will find it fading into the past while the new happier mindset takes its place. . Use Dr. Fordyce's strategies to change your mind and control your thoughts - from his Fifth Fundamental, "Stop Worrying": "The strategy here is quite basic: we want to be happy; our happiness is largely dependent upon our day-to-day mood; our day-to-day mood is largely dependent upon what thoughts pass through our mind; our thoughts can be brought under our control; and thus, by controlling our thoughts we can control our happiness." "... the more time one spends thinking positive thoughts, instead of negative thoughts, the happier one will be. And since thoughts are generally easier to change than feelings, the more we are able to harness the direction of our thoughts, the more control we will find over our happiness." Use the 'thought check,' 'thought switching' and your 'main thought' to focus your thinking (away from worrying) toward better moods and toward better overall happiness more of the time. You may be pleased to see how much more effective this method is than your prior angry response to the old recurring baggage. Also, use this "letting go" process to help you to be OK with adverse circumstances and treatment. See "How To Really Let Whatever Happens Be Okay—and Why You Would Want To," above. Accept what is by watching your reaction with curiosity. [Tolle describes this as being an alert witness to the unpleasant thing and your response. You step aside and observe, consciously. Tolle suggests alternately that you make yourself transparent to the irritation by visualizing it passing right through you with no resistance (therefore, with no reaction or response).] See also How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind. Its on the Positivity Blog, in the Related Resources, below. Watch for distortions in your thinking (see Burns' list above), do as Tolle suggests and be the silent watcher of your mind, how it makes you feel, etc. But don't editorialize or condemn yourself. Just by observing it you will gain power over your thoughts and moods. Use Byrne's Secret Shifters to change your thoughts to improve your mood.  . . Notes on "Find your passion; make a career of it. ..."  Doing things that are interesting to you (over against things that are boring, for example) is a nobrainer. But how does one identify one's passions? It is not a lot more than making a list of your interests, enjoyments, dreams and talents (often, more of heart than mind; but don't leave out the latter), then putting them in order. Your passions are at the top of the list. And don't be too quick to rule out something that appears at first glance to be unaffordable, for example. Make the list first; then order it, weed out some, and re-order. Keep the best ones, whether or not they make really good sense in the first instance, and perhaps especially if other people think they are silly.  Here are some ideas for step-by-step procedures that may also be helpful in getting started. Lifestyle Makeover Expert Cheryl Richardson's 5 steps "Discover Your Dreams," from an Oprah Winfrey Show on finding your passions, (with links and other helpful suggestions). Their item "Pursuing Your Passion" has helpful suggestions too. Sean M. Lyden's article "Finding Your Passion" {some commercial clutter} looks at it from a career and business standpoint; but the personal aspects are not a whole lot different. He identifies 6 steps: [1] Identify what gets you excited, [2] Go back to your childhood, [3] Take stock of your talents, [4] "Shop" on the job, [5] Look at the big picture (from Covey's three questions: Do I like doing it? Am I good at it? Does the world need it?), and [6] Put it to the test. His article cites other resources, too. Brad Bollenbach's article "Finding Your Passion" is more about experimenting with alternatives than making lists of possibilities. It could use more depth and some examples; but his photo of an ecstatic girl with her guitar is worth a visit just to spark your enthusiasm. Frederic Premji's page "7 Questions To Finding Your True Passion" lists these questions: [1] What puts a smile on your face?, [2] What do you find easy?, [3] What sparks your creativity?, [4] What would you do for free?, [5] What do you like to talk about?, [6] What makes you unafraid of failure? {things you would do no matter the outcome}, and [7] What would you regret not having tried? Michelle Martin's Finding Your Life Passion article {career context} suggests using photos, art and music to help you sift through your interests. This allows you to engage your artistic right brain more than the leftt-brain-logic-centered lists of words, for example. Kathy Ryndak and Gord Riddell post Learn to Live with Passion which lists steps to overcoming blocks, judgments and critical voices that may be keeping us from finding and exploiting our passions and motivators. When we can match the latter two, we are well on our way in their view. Curt Rosengren's "Identifying Your Passion's Building Blocks" {career context} focuses on why we like or are interested in certain things. Daylle Deanna Schwartz posts "Finding Your Passions" in the blog Lessons from a Recovering Doormat {career empowerment context}. It is very breezy and positive, ... and fun. She mentions some helpful steps: [1] Think about whether you love, or even like, the things you do, [2] Pay attention to how others talk about their jobs, [3] Pay attention to any parts of your current job that you enjoy, [4] Pay attention to your outside interests, [5] Take a class in whatever interests you, [6] Volunteer at something you like to do, [7] Close your ears to naysayers, [8] Use your spiritual faith to manifest, and [9] Decide what’s more important—money or happiness. {"being happy with what you do is the best gift you can give to yourself—much better than money can buy"}. Lawrence Cheok's "CAREER LOVER QUESTIONNAIRE" {leading a balanced life by managing your career, relationships and money} is a workbook format that may be helpful to some people seeking to know their passions from a career planning perspective. It has tips, clues, examples, a ranking process, a review of talents, strengths, practicality, balance, etc. His Discover Your Passion item has related ideas and suggestions (with some repetition). My current career is retired grandfatherhood; I found it helpful. His idea of A Balanced Life is interesting; and his "Can Money Buy Happiness?" is informative and balanced. Complete the VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire, among the "Engagement Questionnaires" at the Authentic Happiness website. It takes about a half-hour; but it is worth the effort [the Brief Strengths Test is not as helpful]. They list your strengths in descending order, with your passions at the top. You need to register; but it is free, and they don't bomb your mailbox with clutter. By registering, they keep your scores so that you can see improvements when you re-take any test later. ... There are many others. Just Google "Finding Your Passions" (or some variant) and run your own quest. Finally, as you pursue possible passions, keep your eyes open to nearby alternatives. You might be able to refine them into something even better. One sage, after a long quest to identify his own passions, exclaimed "I discovered that I had been hired by the universe, ... to be myself." Remember, you are unique; and your creation was neither happenstance nor accident. It was done on purpose by The Master. Let your talents, personality and individuality shine. Be your best self. Haidt points out (in his Felicity of Virtue chapter, pp. 169-170) that it is much more productive to work from your strengths than it is to try to correct a weakness directly by itself. By using your strengths, you find greater interest and enjoyment in the endeavor. Thereby you are much more likely to stick to it and ultimately succeed. He suggests that you use your strengths to work around your weaknesses: whether you ultimately correct them or just go around them, you get substantially the same result. And you have fun doing it through the use of your strengths (which, of course, are themselves strengthened through practice). . . Notes on "Remember that by simply thinking about and valuing happiness (paying increased attention to it) ..." As the 14th Fundamental of Fordyce (above), VALHAP "the Secret Fundamental" elaborates, there is a by-product of studying and valuing happiness that you might not predict immediately. You find an increase in your happiness simply by paying greater attention to it. This is, of course, completely consistent with the law of attraction and our notes on optimism: when you think of the positive aspects, and think about optimistic outcomes, you feel happier. Well, if you think more about being happy, how to get there, what to do to obtain more of it, then more of it will come to you as a result. Fordyce calls it "happiness awareness" in his 14th Fundamental. If you encountered this notion before you embarked on your study of happiness, and how to get more of it, you might think it is a bit hokey. But if you get to this one after you have been paying increased attention to it for a while, you will see immediately that it is a true side-benefit that you would likely not have predicted at the outset. Count another blessing.  . . Notes on "Avoid what leads to unhappiness ..." As Shimoff mentions in "Happiness for No Reason" (above), your happiness is already inside you, and will be manifest as soon as you stop the activities, attitudes and practices which are keeping it hidden and ineffective. As such, you don't have to start doing anything new; all you have to do is to stop keeping your happiness back. This can be a great boon to those who are too burned out to work much at all on anything, and especially to those unaware that they are keeping their innate happiness from helping them to feel better. See also How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind. Its on the Positivity Blog, in the Related Resources, below. Burns identifies 10 kinds of distorted thinking and low self-esteem as common to virtually all people who are unhappier than they would like to be. These are matters under your control; and you can remedy them both. Every positive step will result in improved joy, happiness and contentment. . . Notes on "xx ..." <future, to come> ... next .

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Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In those choices lie our paths to growth, freedom and happiness.⁵
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Related Resources

• Here are some other mostly informal sources that may strike a chord, or be helpful otherwise. They are in no order. Some have commercial content.

• Happiness - Wikipedia entry (research/theory, measurement, set point theory, everyday correlates, religious and spiritual views, etc.).

• Wikipedia posts helpful entries on happiness as a central theme of Buddhism, including the Middle Way (moderation, avoiding extremes), the Four Noble Truths (suffering's nature, origin, cessation and the path leading to the cessation) and the Noble Eightfold Path (right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration), leading to Nirvana (liberation, enlightenment, awakening, the highest happiness, a state of everlasting peace), and elimination of thirst or craving of all sorts and exhibiting lovingkindness to everyone (and helping them to attain it).

• The Kindergarten of Mindfulness - focusing on awareness, being in the here and now, etc., with 5 free on-line training classes for beginners. This site is better than you might think from its title. I would have called it "Mindfulness for Dummies" or some such. Anyhow, it is very straightforward; and they are not selling anything--only trying to be helpful.

• The Wikipedia entries on Meditation in several different religious traditions, and mindfulness of breathing may also be helpful.

• A short article from Readers Digest "The New Science of Thank You" suggests that the effects of being grateful are very far-reaching, well beyond happiness, which it definitely helps. It is only a five minute read; but it may be a helpful place to start thinking about using gratitude more effectively in your happiness quest.

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• The Happiness Show, originally a TV show about happiness (who they are), with lots of videos, etc., and their page on Dr. Michael W. Fordyce.

Their single page "What is Happiness?" talks about positive emotions, satisfaction, elation and joy, etc.

George Ortega's Happiness Method describes four things you can do to increase your happiness quickly.

Their 21 Ways of Becoming Happier lists lots of others, each with a quick paragraph or two to get you started.

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• Take a peek at Gretchen Rubin's entries on The Happiness Project (it's a blog, and a book that was released in 2009). It has a zillion interesting posts, many with comments. "I am a happiness evangelist," she says; and she recommends that everybody have their own "Happiness Project" - My HUGE happiness epiphany – happiness projects for everyone! Be happier now! This is not just a project or a book, either, she says; it is a way of life to adopt permanently. And it is not so much the results of the project that matter; but rather it is the project itself that helps to create a happier life.
• See also "Pursuing Happiness: Gretchen Rubin Interview" for notes on how Gretchen decided to learn more about happiness and how to get more of it for herself. It's on the Someday Syndrome blog [about the latter's creator Alex; yet more about Alex on "Relentlessly Pursuing Happiness"].
• Ten Tips For Being Happier covers some interesting ideas you may not have pursued.
• For counterpoint, she posted the well-received "Paradoxes of Happinesss: the sadness of a Happiness Project." It provides lots of ideas for thoughtful reflection.
• See also Gretchen's "A story that made me very happy--I couldn't stop smiling" (a two minute read that will leave you feeling good all day).
• See also Gretchen's "Ten Reasons Why Using Twitter Will Boost Your Happiness" in Psychology Today magazine.
• See also "Make 2010 a Happier Year. Decide Now." It works for any year, of course. Lots of good suggestions. Thanks, Gretchen.
• See also "Nineteen Tips for Cheering Yourself Up," Tips from 200 Years Ago, by Sydney Smith. Still good stuff.
• See also "Happiness Question: What's an obstacle to your happiness?" - Pay attention to what is undermining your happiness.
• See also "Make It Easy To Do Right" - Make it easier to do the things that you ought to be doing, or which have deadlines.

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• The Happy Guy website contains lots of breezy and helpful suggestions. His "Happiness is ... a Gratitude Journal" may be helpful too.

• Zen Habits posts "A Guide to Escaping Materialism and Finding Happiness" and "The Incredible Power of Contentment" which contain lots of helpful hints.
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• Woman's Day magazine has a Happiness Project website, blog, etc., geared mainly to their audience demographic. Lots of good ideas, recipes, exercises, etc., here.
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• The Coaching Toward Happiness eNewsletter is "a free monthly e-mail newsletter on applying positive psychology to your coaching, work and life." Lots of helpful stuff.

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• The Positivity Blog posts Henrik Edberg's "How to Find Happiness: 7 Timeless Tips from the Last 2500 Years", "How to Improve Your Relationships: 7 Awesome Tips from the Last 1900 Years", "How to Handle Criticism: The Top 7 Tips from The Last 2500 Years" and lots of other, well, positive, stuff. [The Positivity Blog is "focused on positivity and opening up new possibilities through motivating and practical articles on how to improve your life."]
• Edberg's 7 tips for happiness are: [1]_You Choose, [2]_Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow, [3]_Don’t forget to be grateful, [4]_Help someone else find happiness, [5]_Get rid of a couple of your less valuable desires, [6]_Do what you like to do, and [7]_At least do something.
• The Positivity Blog also posts several articles with comments which may be of interest.
• Helen Keller’s Guide to Courageously Looking the World Straight in the Eye.
• Three Sneaky Traps of Positive Thinking.
• Six Tools to Enjoy Your Job Like a Zen Monk.
• Abraham Lincoln’s Top 10 Fundamentals for Creating a Great Life.
• How to Improve Your Social Skills.
• 3 Good Reasons to Stop Thinking So Much, And How to Do It.
• One [Good] Tip for Getting Things Done - acceptance rather than resistance; see also Harris above.
• How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind.
• Jonathan Swift’s Top 8 Pearls of Wisdom:  1._Don’t fear being wrong.  2._Money is useful. Love of it is hazardous.  3._Dig where you stand.  4._Go further than you may think you can.  5._Be good to yourself.  6._Put down the extra, unnecessary baggage you are carrying.  7._Learn to create a connection.  8._Be open to the idea that you can always learn.
• Norman Vincent Peale’s Top 10 Positive Pearls of Wisdom.
• Think about what you want, not what you don´t want.
• How to Build a Great Day (steps you can start taking right now to help each day unfold in a more pleasant way).
• How to Harness Your Bounce: 9 Steps for Avoiding the Tigger Method of Finding Happiness.
• ... and many more. Definitely worth a stop. You can also sign up for their newsletter.
• ... ... and take a peek at this one: How to Move Beyond Being a Self-Help Junkie.

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• Bruce Price, in his short but uplifting Notes on the Spiritual Life: Strategies for Happiness, reduces the main attitudes taught by all religions to these three:
• look toward ourselves in humility,
• look toward others with compassion and sympathy, and
• look toward the universe or God in gratitude, ...
noting that "if we can incorporate these attitudes into our daily life, we will find ourselves feeling better about life."
Part 2 of the same article, "Living in the Present" (same web page) is also interesting and helpful. Both are short.

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• Meredith Gould's article "Putting the Attitude into Gratitude - writing a gratitude list" may help you with counting your blessings.

• The Greater Good Science Center is a non-profit organization at UC Berkeley that promotes the study and development of human happiness, compassion and altruism.

• The Positive Way website (about) posts many helpful hints, mainly concerning relationships. It includes Guidelines for Living A Happier Life (change yourself, not others; accept yourself; learn the lessons; etc.). You can sign up for their free Relationship Foundations Weekly newsletter. The site has some commercial content.
• Their list of Twenty-five Terrific Tips to Reduce Holiday Stress can help both at holiday time and at other times when stress seems to be mounting. By reducing the stress we can make more room for happier activities and more pleasant moments.
• They also post 25 Steps for Developing Self-esteem. Lots of good ideas here, including their Self-esteem Recommended Reading list, and Self-esteem - What is it?

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• Dr. David G. Myers posts "Want a Happier Life?" with a few sentences on each of 10 topics, excerpted from his book The Pursuit of Happiness.
• Realize that enduring happiness doesn't come from success.
• Take control of your time.
• Act happy.
• Seek work and leisure that engages your skills.
• Join the "movement" movement.
• Give your body the sleep it wants.
• Give priority to close relationships.
• Focus beyond the self.
• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Nurture your spiritual self.

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• Eddie Corbano posts My 7 Easy Principles For Living A Happier Life, along with lots of relationship-related ideas and articles.
• Find beauty in everything.
• Be thankful.
• Don’t judge and evaluate.
• Take part in sports (or some physical activity).
• Learn to meditate.
• Sometimes the easy way is the best.
• Start each day positively.

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• James Montier, a “global equity strategist,” took a break from investing in order to publish a brief overview of existing research into The Psychology of Happiness [PDF; June 2004]. He cites a number of helpful "Dos" and "Don'ts" for improving happiness.
• Don’t equate happiness with money.
• Exercise regularly.
• Pursue and preserve a rewarding love relationship. It is the number one happiness asset.
• Devote time and effort to close relationships.
• Pause for reflection, meditate on the good things in life.
• Seek work that engages your skills, look to enjoy your job.
• Give your body the sleep it needs.
• Don’t pursue happiness for its own sake; [instead, just] enjoy the moment.
• Take control of your life, set yourself achievable goals.
• Remember to follow all the [above] rules [consistently].

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• The Get Rich Slowly blog posts "The Psychology of Happiness: 13 Steps to a Better Life." One of his salient points is that humans are able to synthesize happiness simply by becoming more content with what we already have. The 13 steps are as follows.
•   1. Don’t compare yourself to others.
•   2. Foster close relationships.
•   3. Pursue and preserve a rewarding love relationship. It is the number one source of happiness.
•   4. Get regular exercise.
•   5. Obtain adequate sleep.
•   6. Set and pursue goals. Continued self-improvement makes life more fulfilling.
•   7. Find meaningful work.
•   8. Join a group.
•   9. Don’t dwell on the past. Focus on the here and now: it is the only place/time you can enjoy your happiness.
• 10. Embrace routine.
• 11. Practice moderation.
• 12. Be grateful. When we regularly take time to be thankful for the things we have, we appreciate them more.
• 13. Help others. [Many] studies have shown that altruism is one of the best ways to boost your happiness.

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• The First 30 Days website (mission) has lots of tips on making positive changes in life. It is never too late to make a change for the better.
• One article lists the top five things to do to be happier.

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• Cheryl Carson has posted an article "Forgiveness: the Healing Gift we give Ourselves" {also at her alternate site; Christian themes}. She describes the value of taking this journey to inner peace, and tells informative stories about choosing to take offense (or not), and about a painter who always made his own lunch, yet complained about it every day. By choosing not to judge, hold grudges, etc., we free ourselves for better thoughts and feelings that lead to greater happiness [see also the note on thought control among the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item above].
• Remember (from the notes on forgiveness, etc., above) that "you are not condoning the bad actions of your enemies, letting them off in any sense, or even thinking about letting them back into your life. You are just 'letting go' [see also the more general notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item above] to help yourself."

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• Dr. Flora Morris Brown posts the Color Your Life Happy blog (about) with a zillion articles and videos (some pop-ups and commercial clutter) and ideas all "dedicated to helping you discover that happiness is not something you find, but something you must be." She defines "happiness to mean a deep joy that comes from making good choices in your life. Good choices are those that enable you to do what is fun, fulfilling and pleasurable to you. Happiness is also choosing to stop doing what you don’t like and avoiding toxic people and draining situations."
• Her article "Your Happiness is Up to You" rang true to me in many respects. It was posted on the Life Optimizer blog (about). It is a bit slow; I thought it was worth the wait.
• Her note on Positive Sleep titled "Park Your Mind in Positive" may help you use your sleeping time more effectively, and to wake up better rested.
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• 100 Blogs that Will Inspire You to Be a Better Person - divided into broad topics, this list will give you lots of good ideas to try. Some of these blogs relate specifically to our quest for happiness; others relate more generally to well-being, personal growth and development, etc.

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• The Improved Lives blog and website (about) offers to "tell you what ... psychologists are finding out about personal growth. Some of this info is already out there in self-help books, but you would be surprised how much of it isn’t." Lots of his emphais comes from Seligman (above); but he has many other references as well. A couple of his posts that caught my eye are as follows:
• 112 Quick and Easy Personal Growth Exercises.
• 5 Happiness Boosting Exercises: Which Ones Work and Which Ones Don’t Do Anything.

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• Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, actually has more than one connection to our quest for greater happiness, peace and contentment. One connection is that he tells dog owners that they project their state of mind to their dogs; and the dogs are unfailingly and exactly correct when they sense what their owners are thinking. When the owner is practicing what Cesar calls "calm-assertive" pack leadership (and what the military calls "command presence"), the dog immediately assumes his role as a balanced, happy member of the pack, following his leader. When the owner is tentative or apprehensive, the dog immediately senses that there is no pack leader, assumes that role (usually mis-behaving, as viewed by the owner) and the discord between owner and dog is perpetuated. The point here is this concrete and testable example of the effect of mere mental discipline: you get the product of what you are thinking. Watch the Dog Whisperer TV show a few times; you will be amazed at the consistency of the results. And perhaps it will help you to see the strong connection between what you think and what you get that applies to life more generally.
• Some people say that to be happy, just get a dog. See How To Be Happy Part 1: Get A Dog. It is a breezy account of all the reasons a dog will make you happier. Thank you, Sherry.
• Another connection that the Dog Whisperer brings us is that each segment is invariably about a really decent person who is very patiently dedicated to the welfare of their dog, and about whom we can have good feelings. That can help us with the happiness benefits that come from developing kind and generous thoughts about others as described in the remarks about forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness in the notes on being thankful and grateful, ... above.
• Yet another connection that Cesar brings us is his good advice to "just live in the now." See the Notes on "Focus on the here and now ...," above. Your dog has already mastered it.

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• Dr. Ed Diener's paper "The Optimum Level of Well-Being: Can People Be Too Happy?" You provide an e-mail address; and his droid e-mails you the paper in .PDF format. It is a copyright thing, apparently. I got mine the next day; and there was no spam, etc., resulting. Dr. Diener is at the Psychology Department at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, by the way. While you are waiting for the paper, put his sending e-mail address {ediener@uiuc.edu} in your address book, if needed, so that your filter does not treat it as junk. At any rate, the answer to the present question is "not always." If that surprises you, take a peek at the paper. And in any event, overall, modest (or even large) increases in happiness are almost always seen as beneficial by those seeking them. In a few cases, overly happy people might not seek a job change from an undesirable job, for example, as quickly as people who were unhappy about it. They cited that as a drawback. For me, being over-tolerant of a bad situation would be a minor cost compared to the much larger overall cost of being unhappy about it. So far as I can tell, they did not measure that trade-off. Anyhow, here is a list of some of Dr. Diener's other papers. He has quite a list.

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• The Healthy Place posts an article focusing on Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness, and many others dealing with mental health issues.

• LifeRemix (about) is a network of "bloggers who enrich people's lives through blogging." They select blogs based on the quality of the writing; and their list of blogs is growing.

• U Cal researcher Dr. Susan Turk Charles says that "Memory of good old days ripens with age." If true, it may be one of the few good things about getting old: "older people can have a more positive attitude towards life." Maybe we will feel better just by waiting around for our old-age positive attitude to show up, huh?

• Next <future, to come>
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______ . Footnotes: . 1 - Adapted from Sri Ramakrishna: "The winds of grace are always blowing; but you must raise a sail." . 2 - Helen Keller (1880-1968; Wikipedia entry). . 3 - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Daily Inspiration for 23 July 2008. . 4 - Abraham Lincoln (born in 1809; 16th President of U.S.A. 1861-1865; Wikipedia entry). . 5 - Adapted from Victor E. Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." This quote was also adapted by Covey in The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, page 42. . 6 - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Daily Inspiration for 21 November 2008.

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